


The slower path

by lilchupacabragirl



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Aaron and Spencer fluff, Aaron cheats, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Aftermath of Torture, Anal Sex, Angry Sex, Angst, Bisexual Aaron Hotchner, Bisexual Spencer Reid, Blood and Torture, Bottom Spencer Reid, Canon Compliant, Cheating, Coming Out, Confused Aaron Hotchner, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Haley and Aaron fluff, I've only written the first 2 chapters..., Lies and secrets, M/M, Oral Sex, Secret Affair, Slow Burn, Smut, Top Aaron Hotchner, Virgin Spencer Reid, he's very confused, it's only in one chapter, more tags to come, very loosely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-12-07
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:48:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 41,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23854090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilchupacabragirl/pseuds/lilchupacabragirl
Summary: Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner was stuck doing boring paperwork in his office one slow afternoon, when his mentor, Gideon, walked in with a strange young man. Doctor Reid had ambitions of joining the unit. Though he was young and had no prior FBI training, Aaron saw a blazon fire within the young recruits eyes that held so much potential. He took him in that day, not knowing just where it would lead him. From the start there was just something about Spencer Reid that Aaron couldn't put his finger on. The moment they crossed eyes, Aaron knew as he stared into the golden flecks of the sun within the boys iris's, that he was well and truly gone. He just didn't know how far yet.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Haley Hotchner, Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Beth Clemmons/Aaron Hotchner, Lila Archer/Spencer Reid, Maeve Donovan/Spencer Reid, Spencer Reid/Original Female Character(s), Spencer Reid/Original Male Character(s)
Comments: 18
Kudos: 91





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my new fic!
> 
> I haven't gotten it all written out yet, but I have an entire plan laid down. Hopefully, by posting this prologue, I'll feel obliged and more motivated to actually finish it. 
> 
> Here goes nothing!
> 
> Enjoy.

Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner was sat in his office, door closed, marking off case files and feeling in desperate need for an excuse to step away from the boring side of his job when a knock came on his door. He jumped to attention, hand already poised near his go-bag, ready for whatever new case Miss Jareau was bringing him. When he called out for the person to walk inside, he did not expect for it to be Gideon, though he should’ve paid attention; his knock did sound a little too on the soft side, not the quick-fire tap that he had learned belonged to the young blonde in the few months she had worked here. Nonetheless, Aaron greeted his old friend warmly, despite his disappointment of not being rescued from the banality of his paperwork.

“Jason, come in. Please”

It took Aaron longer than he cared to admit, to notice a tall and spindly boy standing behind his mentor as they both strode into his office. He was supposed to be good at observation given his job description. It really was a slow day at the office.

“Aaron, how are you doing?”

Gideon skipped through the formality quickly, whilst yet still maintaining that sincere note of caring for the answer. His deep brown eyes, though quick and calculating, failed to notice Hotch’s confusion at the stranger standing small behind him. Aaron surmised that the young man can’t have been more than 22 years in age, though his eyes held a depth of understanding and wisdom beyond his years. 

“I’m doing just fine, Jason. Who’s your friend?”

“Oh, this is- Aaron Hotchner meet Doctor Spencer Reid”

Gideon held an air of pride in his introduction of the younger man. Aaron took another look at the boy and calculated over his age again, confusion set in. His face was round and still had that child-like pudginess that he clearly had trouble growing out of. His hair was overgrown by a few inches, which told Aaron that he didn’t take enough notice of himself to realise his need for a haircut. He clearly didn’t have a parental figure around to keep him on track, which at least showed he was independent from them, but still had a need for that authority. He was pale, but still had enough colour and vitality in his complexion that told Aaron he was healthy, though he clearly didn't go outside in the sun much. His eyes looked dark and fatigued, probably from too much reading, which would explain the deep intellect Aaron could see in them. Judging from his clothes, he spent a lot of time at the library, because a librarian's influence could be the only logical explanation as to why a young man would be donning a sweater-vest and a beige chequered shirt with swamp green khakis and a purple tie that did not match. He tried to hold back a laugh at the questionable fashion choice. Though when Aaron took a closer look, he did see that the deep plum purple of that tie did bring out the golden flecks of yellow in his eyes more. He tried not to be obvious about the light flush that dusted his cheeks when he noticed he had been staring at the young boy too long.

“D-Doctor?”

“Yes. This young man has 3 Ph.D.’s and 2 BA’s”

Aaron almost fell over his desk in his rush to properly greet the young man, the young doctor, perplexed by this revelation. He trod over to where Gideon and the boy were still standing in his doorway, hand outstretched. He saw a flicker of discomfort in Doctor Reid’s irises at his formal gesture, hesitant to accept it for whatever reason. He took his hand anyway. Despite the boy's physical stature, he had a very strong grip. Aaron took note of just how many things about this young man on the surface were very misleading. He started to realise that he should expect the unexpected with this one; he was sure he was full of surprises.

“Sorry. Yes, it’s very nice to meet you. Pardon me for being rude, but how old are you?”

Spencer looked towards Gideon, pleadingly, before he turned back to Aaron with a downturned gaze.

“I-I’m 22, sir. - uh Mr Hotchner”

At least that part wasn’t surprising.

“Please, call me Hotch. Or Aaron will do just fine.”

“yes, sir. I mean Hotch”

He went for the more formal name, which told Aaron that this wasn’t just a random social call. He turned to Gideon, pocketing his hands in his trousers, waiting for the punchline.

“So, what brings you and Doctor Reid to the office, Gideon?”

At this moment, the pride that Aaron saw before, bloomed into full as Gideon looked at the young Doctor, endearingly. 

“We were both here to discuss getting Reid passed the FBI academy and straight away having him join the team.”

The beaming smile was almost blinding from the older man, but when he looked over to the young recruit and saw the raw excitement blazing in his honey-jewel eyes, SSA Aaron Hotchner knew he was well and truly gone. He just didn’t realise how far yet.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blips and budding relationships can be confusing times.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm well aware that alot in this chapter is not accurate to canon, but I'm a writer and I reserve the right for some creative license. Hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> Soz it's 4 months late. Editing was hell

Aaron was walking away from a terrible meeting with Strauss, with an even more terrible scowl on his face. Despite the doors to the bullpen being completely transparent, he still failed to miss the huddle of people crowded around Reid’s desk. He pulled the doors open wide, still deep in his unsavoury meeting with his supervisor when a small black piece of tubular plastic flew right across the room, on the trajectory to hitting him in the chest. He brought his hand up to catch it before it could do any damage. He stood rigid, bringing his eyes up to the culprit, only to find Morgan and Elle doubled over in laughter goading at Reid for almost injuring their boss, and Reid himself trying to hide the terror in his eyes. Aaron would be lying if he said the menacing scene didn’t bring a smile to his face, though of course in front of his team, he tried to hide it. Lest they think that he was actually a fun person. He walked over to Spencer’s desk, just as the others were dissipating from what they were sure would be a harsh reprimand. When Hotch stood tall, leering over Spencer at his desk, who looked ready to flee, he leaned down close and handed back his toy.

“I think this belongs to you”

He spoke in a low whisper, that Spencer tried not to liken to a sensual rumble. He took his makeshift pop-rocket, pensive.

“Yes, sir. Sorry about that”

Hotch stood back up straight, nodding at the apology before breaking into a small smile that he was certain no-one except Spencer would see.

“You’re really starting to get some distance on those!”

Spencer’s responding gleam of pride shook something deep within Aarons chest. It sparkled and fizzled out, much like the little reaction in one of Reid’s rockets, but before he could let it take root, he turned to address the rest of the team.

“We have a case briefing in 5, now get back to work”

As he walked up to his office, he tried to ignore the feeling of someone watching him go, and the feeling that came with knowing who exactly it was.

* * *

It was dark, the air had taken on that cold wisp-y thickness that only comes around when the hour is late. Aaron was struggling to regulate his breathing, there was a tightness in his chest that wasn’t the fault of almost being a victim of Phillip Dowd. The loud first-responder sirens that were sounding around him could almost be deafening, if not for the fact that all the esteemed Profiler could focus on was the young agent, the boy he had taken under his wing, sitting at the bay of an ambulance because of him.

“You should get seen by someone.”

“Hotch, I’m fine. Honestly, look”

Spencer stretched his arms out, presenting his entire mid-section on display. Aaron was really looking. He noticed how the shirt that was usually tucked neatly into loose-hanging slacks, was pulled a-mess and uplifted slightly on Doctor Reid’s torso. His tie was crooked and pulled loose, laying wake to a collar button that was undone lower than what was normal for Reid’s comfort, showing off a little bit of that punctuated clavicle that left little to Aarons imagination. He swallowed hard at the site. He took a quick once over to check that Spencer, truly was okay.

“Are you sure I didn’t kick you too hard?”

“Hotch I was a 12-year-old prodigy in a Las Vegas public high school. You kick like a 9-year-old girl”

Despite the mood, Aaron couldn’t help but join the young man in his laughter, finding it infectious. He patted him on the back, macho. Just then, Reid pulled out his old 3” Barrel Smith and Wesson, returning it to its owner. Aaron held up his hand in dismissal.

“Ah, no. keep it”

Spencer returned the gun to his holster with the glee of a giddy child. He was truly grateful for what the gift meant. Aaron thought that he deserved to carry protection given his performance in the field that day, firearm assessment be damned. He wanted the kid safe. He nodded in affirmation at the agent before departing to deal with the closing of the case. When his back was turned, he did not see Spencer double over in the relief of not having to hide his severe discomfort at his minor injuries, from his boss. Having grown up in Vegas, Spencer was glad for his poker face.

\--

Later, when the team had returned to the office, Hotch was blindsided with an uneasy Strauss; somehow in their short plane ride back to Quantico, she had caught wind of Doctor Reid using a firearm without clearance. He stepped into his office at her unruly scowl and set to deal with this quickly. It was a long and tiresome conversation; Aaron’s forehead muscle was almost cramped at how long he’d commandeered his sharp pinched brow. He did not want to seem like he was going to submit to Strauss’s demands of Spencer being written up and being taken off as a field agent until he passed his firearms course. In the end, the fight went on too long for them to reach a mutual conclusion; Strauss left his office with promises of not letting another incident like this slide. Aaron was so drained from the impromptu meeting after such a long case, that when he walked out of his office to debrief his team and send them home early, he almost missed the half-naked torso that was standing in the middle of the bullpen. JJ was standing close to Spencer, lifting his shirt. It took Aaron another drawn out second to notice the litany of bruises that were dotted all over Spencer’s ribs. Aaron almost doubled over at the site. He wasted no time in joining the young pair where they were standing and pulled a look of disbelief at the young man.

“I thought you said I didn’t kick you that hard”

“You didn’t”

As Spencer attempted the poor example of an excuse, JJ’s hand roamed across a particularly nasty deep bruise on his lower left side. He winced at the pain, breathing suddenly hard.

“Yeah right”

Despite his facetious tone, Aaron struggled to mask the sickening worry he felt. He dismissed JJ and the rest of the team for the night and then proceeded to usher Reid into his office. He had a few bandages that he hoped would help.

“Lift up your shirt”

He wasn’t forgiving in his tone, leaving no room for debate. Aaron saw the start of defiance paint its way onto Spencer’s face before being washed away by his lack of resolve. He did as he was told.

It was quite an arduous task, bandaging Spencer up. They always said that doctors are terrible at being patients, but Aaron never acquiesced that the saying included Ph.D. Doctors. The young genius struggled to stay still and found it difficult to keep his arms holding his shirt up. They both concluded it would be easier to just remove the damned thing. Aaron was too focused on the task at hand for his attention to be drawn to the fact that Spencer was sitting half naked on his desk. The young man was still fidgety, but it was easy to work around given the removal of a clothed obstacle. When Aaron snipped the bandage at the end and finished fixing it in place, his hand fell lax against the bandaged area. His head fell down into his chest, exhaustion finally taking root. He took a deep breath.

“Why didn’t you just get seen by one of the paramedics earlier Spencer? You didn’t need to downplay this for my benefit”

He looked back up into those eyes. Those hazel dream eyes and waited-pleaded for an answer. The meek look he got back in response was enough to set his tail on fire, but when that look turned vulnerable, he forgot his own woes and focused on Spencer.

“I don’t know, I guess I just didn’t want to worry you”

“Oh yeah? And what do you think I’m feeling now?”

He hadn’t meant to snap; it’s just the boy could be so damn… young sometimes.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to- Look Reid, if you’re going to have a long future on this team, you’re going to have to learn to have trust in the team. Learn to trust me.”

All Spencer did was nod, words understood. He looked haphazardly down at his legs for a moment before lifting his head up and peering at his mentor with a smile.

“You wouldn’t happen to have any pain meds in that magical bag of yours?”

Aaron took the attempt at lightening the mood as an excuse to prod Spencer in his good side.

“Hey, I thought you weren’t in that much pain”

“ow. Hey, I didn’t say I need them, I was just asking a question”

Aaron carried on prodding him. The resulting laughter fit that ensued, consumed Aaron whole, he couldn’t help but laugh along with Reid’s insane giggles. A strange, warm feeling began to grow in his chest in that moment. A feeling that would never go away. When they both had come down from the short but all-together necessary moment of ease, it was a matter of mere seconds before the two men both realised that Aarons hands were still planted firmly on Spencer’s sides. Spencer was the first to look down at the intruding appendages and when Aaron followed his line of sight, his eyes couldn’t help but wander to the smooth planes of that lean chest. As if of their own accord, Aarons hands ghosted over the areas his eyes were pinned to. The soft milky skin felt warm beneath his touch, it was hard to take his hands away. He only succeeded in doing so when he was shaken out of his trance by Spencer’s unbridled gasp at having Aaron’s big calloused hand accidentally smooth over his taught pink nipple. It was at that moment that Aaron realised what he was doing and so after only touching for mere seconds, removed himself from Reid’s proximity and gathered up the supplies from his first aid kit. He tried not to focus on the sounds of Reid doing up his shirt buttons as he was doing so, ignoring the feeling of disappointment at that fact. Spencer left the office quickly after that.

Minutes later, when they both had collected their things, Hotch met Reid in the bullpen. They awkwardly vacated the building together, not saying a word. As they both stood in the elevator, Aaron could feel brass-eyes boring into the side of his head, he decided to ignore it. When the doors dinged open, they both moved to step out at the same time. It was a mess of mumbled after you’s and stiff movement before Reid finally stepped out first. When they walked out of the building, they stood, unsure of what to say or do. Reid’s tight smile at him told Hotch that he wanted to ignore whatever it was that happened upstairs. Hotch was all too eager to oblige. They nodded at each and said goodnight. Each walking in opposite directions.

When Hotch got home later that night to Hayley, he found it to be a chore to smile his usual “honey, I’m home” smile at her, even as she came up to wrap her gentle arms around him. He kissed her atop the head instead. She ushered him into the kitchen for his late dinner and sat across from him, smiling dreamily at the man she loved. He was half-way through a bite when she asked the question she always asked. A question he shouldn’t have found so hard to answer.

“How was work?”

He never liked divulging into the minute details of any case he worked on, to Hayley, wanting to leave the horror of his job at his desk. Tonight, however, there was another reason he didn’t want to answer that question. He swallowed his bite of pasta and took a quick swig of the beer he was given and tried not to show anything amiss as he answered.

“It was fine. You know how it goes. We got a case and we caught the unsub”

Hayley shook her head, hand coming up to smooth a piece of hair back behind Aaron’s ear. Although, it was near enough the same thing he said every time Hayley asked about work, he couldn’t help but feel he was hiding something from her in his words, which didn’t make sense to him. He tried not to let it show, lucky he didn’t live with a profiler.

Once dinner was finished and his beer was drained, they both excused themselves to the couch for a late-night movie. Hayley perched herself on the couch arms open, like she always did when he got back, and Aaron gladly obliged to the invitation by laying himself across her lap, being careful of the baby bump. It didn’t take long for her hands to find his head and for them to start their gentle caress through the tufts. This is the part of his day Aaron was always thankful for; coming home to a loving wife after a hard case and being given room to wash away the nightmare of his job. As he was being lulled into that relaxed headspace, Aaron couldn’t help his thoughts wandering over to a certain young genius from Las Vegas with long overgrown hair. His mind flooded back to the feeling of the young agent’s chest beneath his hands. Wrecked with the onslaught of guilt it brought him to be thinking those thoughts with his wife so close, he turned around to lay his attention on Hayley’s ever-growing belly, hoping that the excitement over his unborn son would distract him. Hayley took a long hard look at his face, her hands stilling in his hair for a moment.

“What’s the matter sweety?”

Aaron took in his wife’s quizzical look and just shrugged.

“Nothing. It’s just been a long day”

His hand danced across her stomach, fingers tracing over lightly. He tried so hard to hide the lie away in his love for the family they were building. It was at that moment that he felt a kick and suddenly hazel eyes and IQ’s of 187 were forgotten in the splendour of that feeling. He took his wife’s hand in his and grazed his lips over her knuckles. He was astounded he hadn’t felt his child kick before this. Hayley giggled at his enthusiasm.

“His name is gonna be Jack”

Aaron loved the name. Relieved after weeks of discussing it. He said the name quietly to himself. Testing how it would sound on his tongue.

“Jack. I love it”

He turned his attention to his son.

“Hey buddy. Hey Jack. I’m your dad. God, I love you so much, I can’t wait to meet you”

He sat up at this moment, reaching his wife for a kiss, and in his blissful stupor he remembered that he loved her, so very much. Unconditionally and without reason. This thing with Reid was just a blip. He would focus on his family and all would be okay. He just needed to come home.

* * *

The day had been quite Idle at the office. They were in the middle of a heatwave, concentration was wearing thin, So Hotch gave the team the leeway to lounge around in the bullpen if they promised to at least get some non-descript amount of work done. He himself was situated in his office, door wide open and fan propelling loudly in his ear from its place on his desk. It was right next to a photo of He and Hayley on their wedding day. The view of it brought back memories of that day and the promise of the future they both planned with each other; to have a house with a white-picket fence where they could settle down and build their big family. They both had wanted kids, lots of them. Aaron almost felt despondent over a future they no longer seemed to be getting. Back then, they hadn’t anticipated the ambition that would soon dominate over those plans, nor how career driven Aaron would become. Still, he was filled with immense joy at the thought that it hadn’t all been wasted; they were heading into to Hayley’s third trimester. The thought of having a mini-him waddling around the house in a few short months had Aaron crawling back to an evening a few night ago, when he and Hayley were in the nursery. They were arguing over which shade of yellow to paint the walls, feeling the passion they felt over bringing a child into the world drive their heated debate. There was no fire, no aggression, in their exchange. It was all very civil, until Hayley decided it’d be funny to paint over Aarons mouth with a mustard tinge of yellow paint, just to shut him up. For a moment, no movement was made by either of the pair, all that could be heard was Hayley’s mischievous giggle at what she had instigated. It didn’t take long for the two of them to be drenched in buckets of various shades of yellow paint, rolling around in the mess they made and making out like they were back in college. They made love that night, surrounded by the future maybes that were coaxed into the very makeup of their child’s bedroom walls.

The heady feeling Aaron felt at remembering that night was almost enough to distract him from Agent Morgan walking into his office with a box filled with leftover donuts from the team’s lunch. Garcia had brought them in. Though, the smell of sweet baked goods soon pulled him out of his nostalgia. Morgan strutted over, plonking the pink box down on his desk. He had a certain look on his face. The smile was gleaming from his perfect white teeth.

“Don’t worry Boss, we saved you one”

“Oh thanks!”

It was meant to be sarcastic, but really it was just thankful, he was proud of his team and he was grateful they could see him as more of their leader; he was their friend, their mentor. Morgan walked back out of his office then, a joke already placed on his tongue directed at their resident genius. He took the box from the edge of his desk ears out for the punchline and huddled it onto his lap, hungry from his lack of breakfast in his rush to get to what he thought would be a busy workday. Upon lifting the lid, he saw that the donut that was left inside for him was chocolate-iced with rainbow sprinkles, Spencer’s favourite. Usually, the boy gouged down each and every one of those, leaving none to spare. This was why, Aaron surmised, he was oddly warm inside at the thought that Spencer had left him one; a luxury he didn’t grant to the rest of the team. He took this moment to look up out his office window, eyes immediately finding the youngest member of his team sitting at his desk, chair leant back, and head thrown up in a completely unabashed and unguarded laugh at Morgan’s joke. Aaron had rarely seen him laugh like that; eyes crinkled, and mouth upturned so high it looked like it hurt. In that moment, the warm feeling that Aaron felt when he had patched Spencer up after their case with the LDSK a few weeks back, grew and took hold over his heart, pulsing like a light spark from an electrical surge. He wouldn’t know until years later what that feeling was. In some culture’s it was referred to as Leibe, Ai, Ghaoil, L’amore. But you don’t need a translator to guess what that feeling was called.

* * *

Watching Reid through those monitors in their emergency response tent, as he was playing into the Unsubs government conspiracist fantasies, had Hotch reeling in extreme levels of concern and fear. Concern for the young agent’s safety, and fear that he would lose a vital member of his team. Reid was so young, so inexperienced in so many of the good things life had yet to offer him, it was almost cruel watching him be potentially robbed of that by the gun pointed at his face, through that of a damned screen. He wanted more than anything to slam his way onto that train carriage, S.W.A.T team at hand and shut that sick man down himself. As it was, being a federal agent meant that he had to preserve life at all costs; If Aaron were of a sound mind right then, he would’ve felt the need to listen to that particular guideline if only so he could sleep at night. Right now, he couldn’t get his mind passed getting both members of his team off that train, no matter the collateral damage. He knew that Ted Bryar was a mentally ill patient, and that this wasn’t really his fault, but Hotch couldn’t find it in himself to care. He needed to be stopped. As he watched the events unfold from his position standing behind Gideon, who was poised and ready to pick up the phone, waiting for more demands or even a surrender, Aaron felt completely helpless. He needed Reid back here, in this room with him, safe. He needed it like air. From his peripheral, he took note of Morgan’s tensed shoulders, his clenched jaw, and was glad to see he wasn’t alone. He knew how close the two agents had gotten; Hotch was almost jealous that he didn’t have that same kind of closeness with the now 23-year-old, but that feeling was quickly dismissed when the feed cut out with a thunderous gunshot. Aaron almost felt sick when the only tie he had to knowing that Reid was safe, was abruptly ripped from his clutches. The air in his lungs had trouble circulating in the proceeding moments. His vision seemed to tunnel and black out completely as he marched out to the snipers waiting to take their shot outside. As the next minutes ticked down, Aaron could swear that his heartbeat was entirely dependent on the fact that he could see peaks of light brown hair through the tiny sliver of hope the window shades were giving to him. He saw that brown mop of hair move, which meant all was okay; Reid was alive. Time moved slowly as, what seemed like hours later, Reid and Elle- along with the other hostages- were making their way off the train. Aaron didn’t waste time in running over to both of his agents to just be close to them, so he could remind himself and believe that they were alive. After that, Aaron barely left Spencer’s side, though he kept at a reasonable distance. He was there when he was having a routinely check up by the responding paramedic, he was there when Gideon strode over to praise him for his good work, he was there when Morgan marched over to scold him for being so reckless. He was never a shoulders distance away, even up until when they returned to a nearby hotel that night, all in need of a long rest before returning to Quantico early the next morning.

Everyone on the team retired to their rooms straight away, nods and pats on the back of being alive, thrown around. When Hotch was the last one left in the corridor, stood at his door as if unsure of what to do with himself in the slurry of emotions that were overwhelming him, he crept over to Spencer’s door. He was half expecting Spencer to already be asleep, even as he knocked quietly, so the neighbouring members of his team wouldn’t hear. Alas, in a few short moments, Reid was unlocking his door, shirt untucked and glasses on. He had taken out his contacts; he must’ve been drained. When he saw Hotch standing at his door, he was a little surprised, but didn’t hesitate in inviting him in without a word. He let Hotch fall passed him into his small single room and tentatively closed the door behind himself. He walked a few steps into the room, closer to his superior, unsure of how to place himself. They just stood there for a few silent seconds. The only sound Spencer could hear was the ragged, almost nervous breathing coming from Hotch. Hazel eyes bore into deep coffee ones, the exchange both telling and yet holding so many unspoken mysteries that even the genius brain couldn’t decipher. It wasn’t hard to pick up on the desire ridden in Hotch’s eyes though. It’s because of this that Spencer should’ve really seen what was about to happen coming. One moment, things in this little bubble they were in were completely still, the next Hotch’s gentle hands were wrapped around the sides of his face, a soft but desperate touch, as if the movement itself was propelled forward by an intangible trance-like force. Hotch wasn’t even sure he was aware of what he was doing, but he didn’t waste time in taking Reid’s lips in a tender kiss. There was no movement, no heat, just the firm press of Aarons chapped lips against Spencer’s. He tried to instil in the simple gesture how glad he was that Spencer was here, in his arms and not in a body bag on his way to the morgue. Aaron burst with complete euphoria in that short moment when their mouths became one. He tried to commit to memory the feeling of those soft pink pillows on his, how he tasted of sweet chocolate and coffee. His thumb absently treacled over the high apple of the young man’s cheek, as he pushed down further onto that sweet mouth. Though the moment was short, the memory would last forever in both of their minds. When Aaron pulled away, he was met by a look of complete unbridled shock on Reid’s face. The terror of that was more than evident in the blown pupils of his eyes. His mouth moved to say something, anything, but no words came. Aaron took a step back in that moment, taking in the questions that were surely floating around behind that unruly stare directed at him. He fished those questions out of those deep pools of gold and hid them away along with the memory of the moment they just shared, never to be looked at or thought of again. Aaron left the room then, leaving Spencer alone and for once; confused, not completely understanding what just happened. No book on his shelf could help him with that.

* * *

The don’t talk about it.

  
Which sounds like a poorly written plot device from any romance movie Reid had had the displeasure of watching. JJ can be very convincing when they have their monthly movie nights. Joke’s aside, after the very unexpected kiss Hotch had initiated a few weeks before, Reid had a hard time returning to what he would define as normal after that. He couldn’t bear to look Hotch in the eye, in fear his superior would see how much that single moment they shared plagued his every waking moment. Hotch seemed to be of the same attitude, as not a single exchange between them happened when they were alone; they only spoke directly to each other when someone else was present. The moments when they were alone were the toughest; they were filled with moments of each trying to look at the other without catching their attention, or trying to ignore the other’s presence completely in hopes that the fluttering pit building in both of their stomachs would go away. The moments they did catch eyes, Spencer tried his very best not to flush profusely at the older man. In those moments, Hotch always looked right through Spencer, as if he weren’t there at all. Spencer tried not to let the disappointment he felt at that, sink in. Despite this, they still worked together wonderfully, personal issues not-withstanding, they still get on with catching the bad guys as if nothing were amiss. Their drive to stop the bad-guys equal in intensity. However, Spencer couldn’t afford to develop a crush on his boss. His married, expecting a child and questioningly heterosexual, boss. It wasn’t in his plan; not to mention it went against protocol. Of all the books he had read, and all the equations Spencer whizzed through in his day-to-day life, this was not a calculation he had prepared for.

* * *

Hotch couldn’t explain away the gut-wrenching sear that he felt at watching the young movie star fawn over Doctor Reid’s heroics on the stalker case they were on in LA. It was nauseating to see the young couple so smitten with each other. Aaron was pretty sure they had kissed, though he had only the teasing and speculation from Elle and Morgan to confirm his suspicions. The case was closed, so how they were displaying themselves in front of all those camera’s when they were saying goodbye, boding farewells with empty promises of seeing each other again, shouldn’t have churned inside Hotch’s throat so badly; but it did. The entire relationship was entirely against protocol, not to mention unethical. Though, as he let his spite stew into full blown resentment, Aaron knew that that wasn’t the only reason he hated seeing them together. He just didn’t want to admit it.

Later when they were on the long plane ride back to Virginia, Hotch would confront Reid in the small kitchenette, pulling the curtain shut, so as not to disturb their sleeping team mates. Reid was in the middle of stirring his freshly brewed coffee, wistful smile plastered all over his annoyingly pretty lips. Hotch hated the reason for that smile being there. He startled Reid out of his daydream, abruptly cornering him into the small space. He doesn’t go easy on him.

“What the hell was that on the case today?”

Though he tried to keep quiet, his anger let loose. Spencer was intimidated by the harsh bite of his words, if a little shocked. He couldn’t recall the man ever taking that tone with him before. Still, he let his confusion at the displaced anger settle.

“What was what?”

“Don’t act coy, Reid. You know what. Your relations with Ms Archer were completely inappropriate!”

“My relations? Oh, you mean like the relations we had when you came into my hotel room later after that case in Texas a few weeks back and- “

Aaron had to clamp his hand over the young boy’s mouth, worried that someone from behind the curtain would hear their not-entirely-private conversation because Spencer couldn’t keep it down. He tried to ignore the intense closeness he had pushed them both into in his ruse to keep things on the DL. He needed to be clear-headed for this, no distractions.

“You know that’s not what I was talking about. It’s against protocol to get intimate with a person of interest in an ongoing investigation”

Aaron didn’t like how the word intimate sat on his tongue when he was talking about Spencer with someone else. He moved out of Spencer’s close vicinity, quick to hide his discomfort at that thought. He continued his offense.

“You know this, you could’ve jeopardised the whole case best case scenario, worst case you could’ve gotten Ms Archer killed.”

Spencer’s head turned towards the floor in shame, regretful at his supervisor’s anger. Spencer had never gotten in trouble for a single thing in his entire life, outside of his mom. Once Hotch had caught wind of that look of vulnerability, he found he couldn’t stop his next words.

“God Reid, I didn’t think that when Gideon and I fought so hard to get you onto this team that you’d do some so entirely stupid. I have half a mind to suspend you for insubordination, the rest to throw you off this team completely.”

Reid’s head shot up at this, urgency sewn deep in his features, he almost looked angry. He stepped, so suddenly, into Hotch’s space, height taking on that towering demeanour his few extra inches on Hotch granted him. Hotch hadn’t realised before, but the young doctor was actually taller than him. It was as astonishing as it was slightly arousing.

“You wouldn’t do that. You wanna know how I know?”

Spencer paused, waiting for Aaron to dare answer him. All Aaron could do was swallow the saliva pooling in his throat; he could see a vein pulsing in Reid’s forehead, this close.

“Because we both know it isn’t me breaking protocol that’s really upsetting you, is it?”

He was hitting too close on the nail with that one. Aaron almost forgot he was speaking with a Profiler, perhaps he was being more transparent than he thought. There was such a sneer hidden beneath Spencer’s words that Aaron had a hard time ignoring how extremely turned on he was. He tried to divert his thoughts to the memory of his wife, her blinding smile, her soft touches. All he could focus on however, was that pleased grin donning over Spencer’s face. He wanted to wipe that look right off his face. In a snapping impulse, Aaron yanked Spencer by the hair and pulled him in close. He wasted no time in smashing his lips against the young boy’s clever mouth. Aaron would be lying if he said he hadn’t wanted this to happen again, though he hadn’t expected it to; hadn’t intended for it to. Last time was just a blip. Spencer’s resulting gasp was added fuel to the gasoline fire that submerged itself over Aarons entire being. It was fleeting, and barely able to take root, but at some point, Spencer started to respond, pushing back against Aaron like his life depended on it. The boy hadn’t frozen, like last time. The moment was so very short-lived however, when Spencer pushed Aaron away, breathing ragged. He wiped at his mouth as if disgusted at what they had just done and stared at Aaron in disbelief.

“What the hell, Hotch? You’re married. You’re expecting a baby- you’re- “

He stopped talking midway, a task in itself as usually once the Einstein started talking, he couldn’t stop. However, Spencer couldn’t carry on with his reprimand as one look at the man who was twiddling his wedding ring, looking beaten down and completely shaken, was all it took for Spencer slow down his speeding train of thought. He, in that moment, honestly felt sorry for the older man. He had moved towards Aaron with an outstretched hand of concern when he was batted away. Aaron stormed off to the other side of the plane where he locked himself in the bathroom, after that. Spencer retook his seat in the main cabin and waited for hours for Hotch to come back out.

Spencer was shaken awake by a gentle hand belonging to JJ, a few hours later, when the plane had landed. He looked around the plane and saw Hotch was already gone. He fretted over seeing Hotch again on Monday morning.

* * *

They don’t talk about it.

  
Honestly, it seemed like a bad joke. As the weeks passed and things got even more tumultuous between the two profilers, both Aaron and Spencer found it hard to resort back into their normal working relationship. Whereas before it was shy glances and having to work around a tension that existed between them, which was easily handled, now it was an almost painful ignorance to each other’s existence; particularly on Hotch’s end. This time the team didn’t not notice the obvious elephant in the room. It made cases a lot harder to work through with two of its vital members being suddenly out of sync.  
On a particular case out in Wisconsin, Arizona, Hotch’s coldness towards Reid lead him to being distracted on an important stake-out to rescuing 3 hostages and catching the unsub. Reid hadn’t accounted for the unsub having a partner, when he walked into the room where the 3 young girls were chained up, without back-up and was struck over the head with a blunt object. He regained consciousness minutes later, but by then it was too late. The girls had already been taken. The team had profiled that the unsub liked to take his girls to a secondary location after the torture, to kill them. They concluded it to be a forensic counter measure. When Hotch and the rest of the team had caught up with him, he couldn’t bear to look any of them in the face after he failed. Even as Morgan tried to tell him it wasn’t his fault, Reid would not let the guilt over what would happen to those girls because of a mistake he made, go. Even Hotch seemed to take pity on him, in spite of their issues. Luckily, because the secondary unsub was as much as a sadist as the dominant partner and liked to bask in the team’s inherent failure by lurking around the 1st location, they were able to find the girls safe and caught the unsub. As they were cuffing the gruff old man and taking him away, Hotch came up to Reid and offered a stale note of comfort to the younger agent. Spencer didn’t want to accept it.

“You can stop beating yourself up. We caught the unsub. We saved those girls”

“Yeah no thanks to me”

Hotch, at that moment, could not ignore the young man’s turmoil over the entire thing. He moved to place his hand, tantalising, on Spencer’s shoulder; hoping his firm grip was enough to ease some of his burden.

“You know, sometimes, even FBI profilers make mistakes. None of us had profiled a second partner. This wasn’t your fault- “

Spencer did not want to listen to Hotch’s false sincerity over his anguish. He didn’t need a leader right now, he needed a friend, and Hotch wasn’t it.

“You know what, I really don’t need you talking in my ear right now. I’m gonna head back to the station”

Aaron watched him go, for the first time despondent over their growing distance.

Gideon caught the exchange and looked on at Aaron’s disgruntled features with a watchful eye.

Neither of them, saw Spencer for 6 days.

\--

When Spencer had returned, Gideon approached him about what was going on, knowing he’d find the answers he was looking for more easily there. All Spencer said was that he and Hotch had exchanged a few disagreements about the case with Lila Archer. Gideon guessed what that disagreement could’ve been centred around, so feeling that Hotch was being too hard on him, he decided to approach the man about it on a quiet day in his office. He walked in and closed the door to give them some privacy. Aaron looked to be buried deep in a book, absently playing with his wedding ring. Upon closer inspection though, Aaron didn’t look like he was reading the book at all; he was faraway into his thoughts. He didn’t bother with a formal greeting.

“Spencer told me what happened.”

Aaron shot up at this, face ready to deny everything. He tried to calm himself down, stitching on his poker face, hoping it would fly over his mentor’s head.

“W-what- uhm- What did Doctor Reid say?”

He searched the older man’s face for some sort of knowing look; when he found none, he relaxed his shoulders immediately.

“Just that you had a small spat over his budding relationship with Miss Lila Archer.”

“Ah, yes. I told him I thought it was inappropriate”

It wasn’t a complete lie, Aaron acquiesced. Gideon took this moment to sit down on the couches in Hotch’s office. He relaxed back into the firm cushions before he replied.

“Hm, that it was…”

“So, you see why I had to reprimand him?”

Gideon nodded, not giving anything away in his monotonous expression.

“I do, but you know the boy is young, he hasn’t had time to fall privy to lustful attraction or desire. Can’t imagine he would’ve been able to fit it in with his prompt ascent into high school and college all before the age of 15. I wouldn’t be surprised if that Miss Lila Archer were his first real kiss with anyone…”

  
Though Gideon was just thinking out loud at that point, Hotch couldn’t help but think about the implications of his words. He supposed it was entirely likely that Reid hadn’t been the object of a girl’s attractions, much less been kissed by anyone before. Aaron tried not to think about what that meant for himself. He knew full well that Ms Archer hadn’t been Reid’s first kiss; or even his second. And that was just Aaron entertaining the thought that he was. He looked out through the open blinds of his window, finding the boy in question hunched over his desk, too focused on his work to notice Morgan throwing paper spit-balls at his head. Aarons face softened as he watched him. He turned his eye-line back to Gideon.

“You’re right, I was too hard on him”

Gideon leapt up at Hotch’s change in resolve. He looked pleased with himself.

“Right, shall I talk to him or- “

“No, I’ll talk to him. It’ll be better coming from me. Thanks Jason”

The older, and much more-wise, profiler left the room with a quick no problem, leaving Aaron to stew in his prudent words. Aaron didn’t take his eyes off Spencer for the rest of the day.

On their next case, Hotch let Reid lead on the profile, and after that things weren’t so bad. They still didn’t bring it up, but they also didn’t go on pretending like it didn’t happen. Spencer would see Hotch’s acknowledgment of their deeper relationship in the way he guided him through his first solo case, in the subtle glances that were thrown his way, and the quiet affirmed touches. Though when he looked more deeply, there was a hesitance there that wasn’t before. It was in the way that whenever Spencer caught him staring, it was almost as if Hotch was trying not to make Spencer uncomfortable. Spencer concluded that it definitely had something to do with whatever Gideon had said to him last week when he went into Hotch’s office after asking Spencer what was wrong. Nevertheless, he liked this new trust his supervisor had in his profiling skills; it had almost been 2 years since Spencer joined the team and he was finally starting to feel like this was where he belonged.

* * *

“Make sure you’re breathing along with your partner. Remember its important to be on the same wavelength when in the delivery room, so its important that you breath together now. You’ll be her only point of focus throughout the pain it takes to bring your child into this world. Now come on, breath, soft, controlled. There we go”

Aaron hadn’t been in one of these classes before. His job always made it impossible to predict when he’d be around for them. Hayley usually went with her sister, Jessica, but Hotch had a rare free day so he decided to come. He hadn’t realised before coming here just how, off-putting childbirth could be. At some point during the class that day, before they got to the breathing exercises, the birthing instructor had made all the men wear a device around their middle that simulated the pain of a contraction. The experience was harrowing, he thought these classes were only about breathing and mediating and finding your zen; whatever that meant. He hadn’t anticipated this. He switched his phone on during the refreshments break, hoping that a case would call him away before this was over. Despite his discomfort, he saw that Hayley was enjoying their time there; she could finally show off her husband to the other budding mothers, showing them, he wasn’t an uncaring absent husband. This at least brought him some joy, and he supposed this was good in preparing them both for the tumultuous experience that laid ahead of them, just 6 weeks away. This wasn’t enough to mask his displeasure, however. Hayley, being the mind-reader, she was, picked up on this, but didn’t say anything. It wasn’t selfish of her to want her husband to actually be involved in a pregnancy he had so far missed the better part of. Still, they could both feel the glow growing inside them that being this close to being parents brought. Hayley just hoped that her husband would be home more when the baby came. They needed to be a single machine, totally in sync and with this class, it was looking like it was working. They’d always been good at working together. If one thing became apparent that day, however, is was that Aaron had no idea what he was doing. It was hilarious when Hayley had to watch him walk around with that sack tied around his mid-section to emulate the weight of carrying around a full-term baby in your stomach. He fumbled and tripped over himself so many times that he wound up falling face first onto the floor, crushing the pseudo stomach. Hayley was glad that he wasn’t the one carrying their unborn child inside him.

When the class was over, they both went for lunch and laughed and giggled about how much of a mess Aaron was. Hayley was in the middle of confirming their next attendance to the class when Hotch’s phone went off. She looked at him, annoyance gracing her usually delicate features. She dropped the fork she was using to eat her salad, abruptly. He pensively looked up at her.

“I thought you were gonna turn that off for the day!”

“I did, but I thought it’d be fine if I turned it on once just to double check everything was okay.”

Hayley huffed; some things were never going to change. It could never be simple with her husband.

“We talked about this Aaron. You said you’d leave all the FBI stuff behind just for one day. Is that too much to ask for.”

“I’m sorry Hayley, I can’t just turn off my job. What I do is very important.”

“And what about me am I not important? Is your child not important?”

“Of-course you are, that’s not what I’m saying…”

He cut himself off, trying to divert away from a fight they had been having for months. He took a deep breath, not wanting to start something in the middle of the restaurant.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to make you feel less important than my job. I love you- “

Hayley cut him off, not in the mood for his half-cocked sincere affections. She drew attention to whatever message had weaselled its way into their lovely afternoon together.

“What did the message say?”

Aaron didn’t answer, which told Hayley enough.

“You have to go, don’t you?”

Aaron’s shoulders sagged, ready for the cold-shoulder.

“I’m so sorry honey. I’ll make it up to you, I swear”

He quickly jumped up, leaving a quick kiss on her forehead and dropping a few bills on the table before he scurried off. Hayley tried not to get her hopes up at what would be another false promise.

She sat and finished her salad in silence.

* * *

Morgan and Reid were in the middle of their usual back and forth during their preliminary discussion of the new case they were called onto, on the plane. Hotch was watching the exchange with a curious eye; He loved to watch Reid in his element. He had come to enjoy the young profiler’s long soliloquys about various statistics and geographical history. He spoke with such certainty and dominance, hands poised in their gesticulating and chin jutted out in defiance to Morgan’s attempt to call him out. He bit his lip, waiting for the slam dunk.

“What’s really bizarre, are these circular markings surrounding the entry wound on the victims head.”

Reid’s brow was pinched as he tried to decipher a possible cause of said markings. His lip was pursed as if he was personally offended that he didn’t have all the answers straight away. Hotch loved to see the cogs turn and unfurl in the genius’s mind as he solved a problem. His confidence never wavered, though.

“Well they’re clearly caused by the force of having the gun pointed straight at their head”

There was that antagonising tone that was always sure to set Reid off. Hotch was beginning to wonder if Morgan purposefully challenged Reid like this every time, so the boy wonder would reach some spontaneous revelation quicker. The boy wasn’t one to allow his genius to be questioned.

“Well actually, give the shatter pattern in the skull, around where the bullet hit, and the fact that the bullet was still lodged in the frontal lobe, I’d say that the marks on our victims foreheads aren’t from the barrel of the gun”

His retort was polished and simple. Hotch wondered why this level of confidence didn’t transpire into other aspects of Reid’s personality.

“What else could it be from? The markings match the circumference of the barrel exactly, and the ME said he found traces of gunshot residue in and around the entry point. It wouldn’t have gotten there from far away. So, go on pretty boy, explain that one.”

Reid’s responding smirk set something alight in Hotch’s gut; the boy was too cute for his own good.

“If the unsub actually shot his victims point blank on the forehead like that, the shatter pattern on the skull would be more widespread, as that would’ve taken the brunt of the force. The bullet would’ve stayed closer to the surface after that too as it wouldn’t have enough time to build up momentum, given the lack of distance; it’s velocity would’ve diminished pretty quickly. If we use the measurement of how far the bullet was lodged in her frontal lobe- 32.6mm- and the average speed of a bullet from a 42” Caliber- 40 feet per second on a standard trigger-release as well as the weight of the bullet -0.07kg and then we couple that with the external factor of the skull being a point to absorb vibrations from the bullet, thus slowing it down, we can take all that and guess that the unsub was standing at least 4 feet away from the victims when he shot them, based on the estimated trajectory. Not with the gun straight at their heads. So again, I repeat; what caused those markings?”

The entire cabin was speechless at Reid’s quick-fire calculations; Hotch humoured that they wouldn’t need a calculator with Reid around. Morgan still didn’t look convinced, though. Hotch was as amused at the unfolding conversation as he was endeared. Just then, a video chat popped up on their screens and Garcia’s pretty round face greeted them, ready to assist in their reports. She smiled greatly; despite the horror of information she was about to divulge to the team.

“Guys, local PD just confirmed another body was found. MO was the same, though the victim was found outside the unsub’s preliminary hunting ground.”

Hotch sat up, strong and rigid as he asked Garcia if there was any new details about the latest victim that they didn’t already know.

“Yes sir, this time, the markings that were found around the bullet wound were also present on the victim’s neck”

Reid looked off into the distance, absently deciphering what this new detail could mean. His mouth moved, whispering his thought process to quietly to himself.

“Alright, call and let Detroit PD know that we’re about 20 minutes out. Tell them not to disturb the scene before we get there”

“On it, Sir, over and out”

Before her face could blip out of the call, Reid jumped to attention. He had that pinched brow look again.

“Garcia, was the mark on the victim’s neck directly below the lobe of their ear?”

“Why, yes it was. How did you- “

“I know what the markings are from. The unsub is using a tool, typically used to release toxins in the blood back in medieval times, to rid them of demons. It’s an old wives tale that using this instrument on the forehead and side of the skull, whilst hot would free the patient of their mental ill’s, believing it was a sickness of the devil. The procedure usually resulted in permanent scarring, but the patients were always alive afterward. The unsub must believe that despite doing this, the victims couldn’t be saved. He’s an Angel of Death”

Hotch took this new lead in and dismissed Garcia promptly. He dished out orders to each person on the team for when they landed, ordering Morgan and Elle to go the scene of their latest victim, Gideon to go speak to the families so they could work on victimology, leaving he and Reid to go to the police station. JJ was to deal with the media. With their orders, the team dispersed when they arrived. Hotch would be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward at working alongside Doctor Reid for this case today; an easy excuse to be close to him.

\--

The case was over fairly quickly. They got through it quicker than usual, due to the unsubs young age; he was inexperienced and thus couldn’t hide his trail. Reid felt uncomfortable at how an entire S.W.A.T team was called to disarm a 16-year-old boy that suffered from as many issues as he did. The years of abuse they profiled in the unsub clearly caused the delusions and ultimately led to his psychotic break. As much as it was for his own safety, Hotch hated pointing his gun at that boy; Reid straight up refused to. It was that factor, that allowed Reid to gain enough trust from the unsub to convince the young man to drop his weapon. They detained him and Reid never left his side; he rode in the back with him in the police car on the way to the station and stayed with him as he was taken to see his parents before he was booked.

On the plane ride back, Hotch made sure not to leave Reid alone in his distress over this; The boy would be entered into a psychiatric facility where he would receive the treatment, he should’ve been getting all along. He assured Reid as such, but Hotch knew that the man’s wild brain was conjuring up scenarios where his mother was denied treatment in the same way. The young boy had Schizophrenia; this was the reason Reid found it hard to leave the case behind. Hotch was nothing if not persistent, however; he vowed to get Spencer to smile at least once before the day was out.

By the time the jet landed, Reid had napped for a while; he woke up in a much better mood than when he fell asleep. This was why he was ready and eager to sign off his case files.

When the team got back to the office, however, Hotch dismissed them and said he’d take care of the paperwork; they had flown out to Michigan and back in one day, everyone was tired. They were all pleased at being cut some slack; Morgan practically jumped for joy at being laid off early. Reid, however, simply refused. Being the nerd, he was, he protested at having his sweet paperwork taken away from him arguing that he found it relaxing; and that’s how Hotch found himself perched on the floor at his office couch, Reid next to him, surrounded by stacks of files. Turns out that, Hotch had dismissed the team from paperwork a little too often lately; there was a lot to catch up on. Reid was all too eager to assist him in rectifying this.

Though on the surface, Reid was a blabbering, energetic bundle of joy, Hotch could tell that beneath that, he was still caught up on the case they were just on. He decided to broach the subject now that they were away from prying eyes.

He put down the file he was working on and focused his attention on Reid; the man in question didn’t notice the eyes that were suddenly on him, too encroached in his task.

“How are you doing, after that case today?”

Reid barely took his eyes of the file he was working on.

“m fine. we stopped the unsub, that’s all that matters. He won’t hurt anyone else”

“Reid, you know that’s not what I was referring to. I’m well aware of your mothers condition, I understand if this case was hard for you”

The young man took this moment to put the file down, sensing that he wouldn’t be able to give it his full attention given the conversation he knew they were about to have. He huffed, shoulders slouching, knowing there was no point in putting this off; Hotch had gotten very good at getting him to talk, it was unnerving.

“I don’t know, I guess I’m just appalled that this boy wasn’t given the help he needed. Schizophrenic breaks aren’t common in younger people, but that’s no excuse for the people around him not noticing something was wrong. He’s mother knew, of course, but she straight up refused to do anything about it, putting the opinions of others above her own sons wellbeing. The kid had no one. It was just a matter of time before he had a psychotic break. This could’ve all been prevented”

The tortured look on Spencer’s face was enough to make Aaron’s chest clench in worry; he hated that Reid was so torn up about this.

“I know that, but there’s no use fretting over what could’ve been and what should’ve been. All we can do is make sure that he does get the help he needs and to make sure no more harm comes to him.”

“It just doesn’t feel like enough.”

“It never does, but that’s why we both took this job; we wanted to help people. If this case has told me anything, it’s that’s still true for you. Am I wrong?”

Reid shook his head, unruly hair falling into his face. He looked so broken up as he said the next words, pleading.

“I just wished the unsub had someone too”

“So do I.”

Hotch leaned closer to the young boy as if on command. He hoped the closeness would provide some form of refuge for the young agents woes. He could feel Spencer’s warmth radiating in the hairs distance their shoulders were from each other. He refrained from touching them together, for his sanity. Reid didn’t say anything for the next few minutes. Aaron chose to lighten the mood.

“Right we should probably get on with filing these reports. They won’t finish themselves.”

Reid looks Aarons way as he delivers his retort, smile beaming, reaching his eyes.

“We wouldn’t have so much to catch up on if you hadn’t gone soft on us”

Aaron couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his ears turned pink at the audacity. He took note of the playful look on Reid’s face, noting the tongue that was half sticking out his mouth in mockery.

“I haven’t gone soft!”

Reid’s chuckle made it impossible to be offended at his accusation. Aaron turned his body to face Reid directly, readying his comeback.

“Hotch you haven’t had us stay to finish the required paperwork for almost 4 weeks.”

“That’s not true, I always see them on my desk the next day. The pile would be much larger if I had let you all slack for that long”

“Yeah and why do you think that is?”

Aaron paused, thinking about it. His mouth gaped in shock at what Reid was insinuating.

“Don’t tell me you’ve been doing everyone’s reports for almost a month?!”

“Fine I won’t tell you”

“Reid!”

Aaron prodded him in the side, faux furious that he’d been doing this. He doubled back, thinking about what Reid just said.

“Wait… Did you just… make a joke?”

The humble shrug he gave in answer set the butterflies in Aarons stomach alight. Aaron was beginning to realise a new side to the usually high-strung genius, he decided he liked it, wanted to see it more.

“I know. I’m just full of surprises”

Aaron leaned back, taking in the sight of seeing Spencer completely unguarded and found himself warm at the gleam of teeth he saw as the young genius’s chest shook with his unashamed laughter.

“Wow, there’s a lot more things to you than I had first thought Mr Reid”

Spencer paused his laughter, finding that once on this mischievous streak, he didn’t want to get off. His tongue stuck out at his defiance. Aaron tried not to let the imagery of what that intelligent tongue tasted like, pull him into a whirlwind of treacherous thoughts. His pants suddenly felt very tight.

“I think that’s Doctor, to you”

Aaron prodded him in the side again, disapproving of the cheekiness the younger man was displaying, leaning close into his space, as if it would keep the joke personal to them. The smell of Spencer’s diluted aftershave filled Aaron’s nostrils at this distance, making him feel completely wrapped up in Doctor Spencer Reid, certified genius. Spencer tried to escape his insistent jabbing, wriggling away from his superior like his life depended on it. It was clear he didn’t want to get far though, enjoying the playfulness that had taken over their evening.

“Hey! Stop. I’m sorry you can call me anything you want. I swear, just please stop”

It was wonderous how Reid’s giggle was as infectious as a radioactive spider; the warmth Aaron felt inside was sure to kill him. He took his hands away from their assault on Reid’s sensitive points, placing them onto the floor, next to Spencer’s. It was hard convincing himself that he didn’t do that on purpose.

  
The erratic laughter that had bloomed into the room, wilted and settled into soft giggles. Their heads hung close to each other, shoulder’s still shaking along with their gentle laughs. Aaron’s eye-line landed straight on Spencer’s plump mouth as his breathing regulated again. Suddenly, the air in the room became thick. Reid must’ve caught where Aaron’s gaze landed as the next moment, they were both looking into each other’s eyes, feeling a swarm of lust wash over them both. Their eyes shared pools of desire that was hard for them to ignore. As if being swept out to sea, Aaron fell forward, lips catching onto Reid’s like a rod to a fish. The catch was plentiful, as Reid pushed back onto him like the oncoming tide. When Reid’s hand shuffled forward to land on his, suddenly thoughts of the conversation Aaron had with Gideon a few weeks back come crashing into Aaron’s train of thought. He couldn’t steal all of Reid’s firsts; it wouldn’t be fair. He pulled away, leaving the moment shared between them short.

He surged up, putting distance between he and Reid; unable to contain his guilt. His hands combed through his hair, setting it askew. Reid followed him up, unsure of what was wrong, feeling slightly peeved that Aaron kept doing this. Aaron could feel Spencer’s disdain, thinking it was at the very reason Aaron pulled away.

“I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

He had turned to look at the young man, despite not wanting to face his disgust. What he found there, however, wasn’t what he expected.

“It’s fine Aaron. It’s fine”

The boy took a step closer to him, hands raised in comfort. Aaron shook his head, stepping back; Reid followed his every step forward.

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t- It isn’t fair”

When Aaron’s legs hit the edge of his desk, he halted. Reid stood in front of him, ready to pounce. His hands came up to hold Aarons face, clutching with an urgency that surprised the older man.

“Aaron…”

He was clearly going to say more, but instead Spencer thought better of it, deciding to just cut to the chase; he pulled his face closer and attacked his mouth in a full onslaught. The passion that fuelled his desire, scorched and tore at Aaron’s insides. He couldn’t control himself in the following moments. He took Spencer by the hips, desperate to feel him beneath his touch and switched them round, so Spencer was on the desk. The movement of their mouths was vivacious and searing; they didn’t take time to breath, the desire to have each other all consuming. When the need for air was too great, Aaron lifted off from that clever mouth slightly, breathing in the smell of arousal that was pooled between them. The look in Spencer’s eyes was too intense for Aaron to behold, he quickly took his mouth again, shuffling into place between Spencer’s legs; their crotches were perfectly aligned. Spencer displayed a hunger that Aaron had never seen before, he too felt like no amount of kissing would satiate that feeling; he needed more. Just then Aaron’s hand came up to nestle itself into Spencer’s lustrous locks, pulling ever so slightly. The resulting moan awakened a beast of passion in Aaron; really you couldn’t blame him for grinding down into Spencer, in the hope that he could make that delicious noise again. He ate it right up. They set at a lazy pace of smacking against the other’s lips, pulling each other closer, and rocking their hips together in an idle motion. Aaron could feel Spencer’s hardness through his slacks, his own pressing down onto it; the feeling was euphoric. Surely, Aaron thought, this is what drowning felt like. The air certainly had trouble circulating through his body, particularly his brain; he felt like he was floating. Spencer’s began to punctuate into Aaron’s soul; he would be up for weeks with those sweet melodic sounds constantly in his ear, like a ringing. The way he’d gasp with the adrenaline that came when Aaron nipped on his bottom lip, or the way he’d mewl when he took his tongue in his mouth and sucked or the sheer dirty way he’d whine when Aaron moved his hips in a certain way that had Spencer twisted up in all the right ways, would plague Aaron’s dreams for several long nights to come. He could feel that coil deep in his gut, tighten, knowing it wouldn’t be long until it snapped. The orgasm was long awaited, and Aaron readied himself for it; he ground harder down into the young boy, chasing his high. He knew Spencer was close too, if the hands that scratched and clawed at Aarons back was any indicator. Just as they were both entering the precipice of absolute bliss, a knock came at the door.

Aaron had never jumped off someone so quickly, he almost reached the other side of the room in his attempt to flee. Just then, a chirpy old man walked in, wearing a grey body suit with a name patch sewn into the chest that said Keith. His twiddled moustache sat plaintively atop his lip. His cheeks bulged as he spoke.

“Sorry ‘bout the ‘nterruption folks, but building’s closin’ in 15 minutes for some routine maintenance”

His deep southern drawl boomed its way to Aarons ears; he had trouble translating what the man had said into something that had meaning, still stuck in what he had almost been caught doing a few moments before. His ears were filled with blood. He nodded when his brain eventually caught up, but stayed rooted to the spot, staring at the door, even as the man went away. Reid was still on the desk, shell-shocked. Aaron couldn’t risk looking at him. Out of the corner of his he saw the young boy shuffle and move off the desk. Though he wasn’t looking, Aaron caught a very telling site of a wet patch on the front of Spencer’s trousers. The knowledge that Spencer had finished, was enough to have Hotch reeling from both pride and horror. He can’t believe they had just done that; and almost been caught. Before the older man could free-fall into the bitter trail his thoughts were leading him down, the landline on his desk suddenly blared into life. The ringing was almost a match to the one Aaron could already feel in his ear drums. He moved quickly to pick up the call, in time, trying to ignore the feeling of brushing shoulders with the other person in the room, on the way there. He answered the call.

Reid just stood there, unsure of himself in the wake of everything that had occurred that evening. He tried not to fidget too much in his awkward stupor, not wanting to make the issue he had in his pants more uncomfortable. Aaron croaked and whispered into the phone, as if whoever were on the other line would hear his deceit as he spoke.

“H-hello?”

Whatever was said in response to the bland greeting, had Hotch stepping on hot ground. He shot up, absent to the fact someone was watching him. He spoke into the receiver with an edge of properness, though somewhere in his eyes panic had taken over; they were no longer drowned in lust.

“Right, yes. I’ll be over as soon as I can! Thank you, goodbye!”

He practically slammed the phone down. Next, he beelined straight for his bag and immediately grabbed his phone, calling himself a cab. His movement as he gathered his things was erratic and frankly bridled in chaos. His eyes were shot with intense alarm. In his anxiety, Spencer could see something was wrong, whatever that phone call had been about had caused this. Though, it was obvious it wasn’t the only thing setting Hotch’s nerves alight. Spencer cleared his throat, hoping he could provide some comfort for whatever was going on in that peculiar brain of his. He stepped forward.

“Is everything okay?”

Aaron looked up at him as if he had just realized he was still there. He didn’t meet his eye.

“Hm Yeah, I just. I have to go”

Without another word, Hotch ran out of the office; more like fled. He couldn’t wait to get out of there. Spencer tried not to feel despondent over this detail. He began replaying what they had just done in his mind, trying to find something that would explain Hotch’s sudden change in behaviour towards him. He didn’t think he did anything wrong, though when he looked down at the mess, he had made of himself, the onslaught of embarrassment that wielded its way into his chest had him slouching to the floor. He couldn’t believe he and Hotch had humped each other like that. Lord knows what would’ve occurred if they hadn’t been interrupted. He hoped that it was as good for Hotch as it was for him; though Spencer guessed that because he had no prior experience to compare it to that he couldn’t make a fair judgement. Hotch on the other hand, definitely had experience. Spencer wouldn’t have been surprised if he found out that the devilishly handsome face of Aaron Hotchner got all the pretty ladies when he was young and single; before he met Hayley.

Spencer seized up at the thought of Hayley; Hotch’s wife. He mentally slapped himself for forgetting in the heat of the moment that Hotch was married. Married with a kid on the way. As there was a light bulb above the boy genius’s head waiting to light up at every discovery he made, something switched in Spencer’s mind. He look towards the phone as if it would confirm what he was already thinking. Hayley was pregnant. There’s only one reason Aaron’s face would’ve drained of its colour after a phone call direct to his office; it must’ve been the hospital.

Hayley was in labour.

Spencer tried not to feel sick at the thought of what he and Hotch had been doing when that was happening. The distress he felt at this revelation caused him to take pause, his eyes fell onto the heap of case files that were still on the floor. They hadn’t finished clearing them. With a disgruntled sigh, Spencer set to work on clearing up the beige folders, shoving them into his bag. He felt oddly depressed at the silence that enveloped around him in the room as he delved through this task. Once the mess was cleared, he stood, basking in the void that had crept around the space. The room felt cold, all alone. He left the darkening office, tugging his satchel higher. He would make sure the case files would be on the same desk Hotch had been him pinned to, on Monday morning.

* * *

Jack was born at 2:17 in the morning. Hotch had gotten to hospital around 5 hours before, coming straight from work. It was a long and intensive birth; in the end, Aaron would tell anyone, that it was all worth it. By the end of the night he would be holding onto his wife as she cradled their new-born son in her arms. That moment was filled with nothing but smiles and tears of joy; there was a mutual gracious air amongst everyone in the room. The doctors confirmed that Jack was healthy, and that Hayley would be okay after a few long days of rest in observation. Hayley’s mom peppered her daughter with kisses as Jessica and her dad lined up for the opportunity to meet the newest member of their family. Aaron felt so much long-awaited happiness that night, that when he fell asleep clutching the most precious thing in the world to his chest in that cramped hospital chair, he almost forgot about young genius’s and secret kisses. Almost.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That feeling you get when you're at the top of a rollercoaster, before the dip, and you're sitting there, knowing what's coming, but still hoping the outcome is different, and then you're free-falling and every vessel in your body is yelling at you to "stop", but you can't. 
> 
> That's this chapter in a nutshell.
> 
> Enjoy.

Reid walked into the bullpen Monday morning, exhausted after staying up all weekend finishing the case-reports, to find that no one was in their usual place. He couldn’t hear Garcia’s playful chatter as she flirted with Morgan, or see Elle brooding over, hearing the indelicate things coming out of the analysts mouth. Gideon wasn’t even contemplatively staring at the coffee machine as it brewed his fresh cup of caffeine. It was dead silent. As he plonked his satchel by his desk, he could make out hushed whispers coming from Hotch’s office. Curiosity piqued, he slouched his way to the door, forgetting to bring the stack of files he purposefully brought in early to put in said office. He got to the door, throat suddenly dry. He hadn’t thought about the last time he was in here, all weekend; hadn’t wanted to. He listened in, putting his ear close to the door. Suddenly there was a screech from inside and if he weren’t mistaken, he could hear Penelope cooing at someone. He thought it might’ve been Morgan she was doing so at, as that seemed completely normal for their strange relationship. Upon walking inside, however, he saw the group huddled around Hotch and a blonde woman he had never seen before; she was holding a baby. Spencer almost tripped over himself into the room, once he realised what was happening. This caused everyone to look up from the spectacle of Hotch and Haley’s new-born, to divert their attention to Reid. He straightened himself up, catching eyes with Hotch, whose gaze was so glassy before he snapped his eyeline back to Haley, that Spencer was sure he hadn’t properly seen him; or perhaps hadn’t wanted to see him. He took one step closer to the little huddle, eye’s seeing more clearly the little bundle of skin and chubby features in the centre; the baby had that familiar pinched brow he saw every day. For some reason that detail brought a small smile to his face. JJ beckoned him over.

“Spence come. Meet the newest member of our family”

He stepped over, feeling awkward. He didn’t know how to place himself; unsure of where he stood with Hotch. Everyone’s joy and smiles were setting itself over Spencer, their happiness was infectious. He relaxed slightly, though still felt slightly rigid. He turned his attention to the person of interest, bending lower.

“Hey little guy. I’m Spencer”

He reached his hand to shake the tiny fist that extended out to catch the long piece of hair that fell from behind Spencer’s ear. He looked to Hotch, who nodded as if giving him permission to greet his son. Spencer tried not to feel put out by that; the rest of the team seemed like they were easily accepted into the infants life, but Spencer felt like he was being kept at bay by whatever was going on between he and Hotch. He lowered his gaze back to the little guy, hand shaking the small humans arm. The smile, though hard to maintain, was real.

“What’s your name little guy?”

“He can’t talk Spence! He’s only 3 days old”

JJ sounded more amused than condescending. Spencer sighed in relief to the light-hearted air she provided.

Haley spoke up at this moment, glowing and blissfully unaware of the tension in her husband’s shoulders.

“His name is Jack.”

He looked up at her then, guilt suddenly washing over him. This was Hotch’s wife. She had no idea what he had done with the man she loved, the night their son was born. The amount of will it took for Spencer to not show any of this on his face, caused a headache to form. Still, the corners of his mouth dropped a little.

“I-I like that name. ‘S good name”

He fumbled through the words like he was talking to a high school crush. His cheeks reddened in the same fashion, though the reasons were far more shameful.

Haley smiled brightly at him, despite noticing his change in demeanour.

“You must be Doctor Reid. I’ve heard so much about you”

Spencer straightened his posture then, to the point where he was towering over her and Jack. She was sitting in the same spot that Spencer had days before, Aaron’s arm was wrapped around her waist. He gulped, looking over to the only person who could’ve spoken about him for Haley to have heard so much. The eyes that bore into his, were intense, far too much for either of them to handle. Hotch looked away first.

“You have?”

“Yeah. Aaron speaks so highly of you all the time. He’s real proud of what you’ve done on the team since you joined. Say’s that you’re by far the most talented young Profiler on the tea- “

Hotch abruptly cuts her off mid-sentence. Haley seemed to think nothing of it. She gets up with her husband.

“Right. I think my son is nearing his nap time. He’s had enough of social’s today. Honey why don’t you take him home?”

He’s smile looked tight, teeth barely poking through. Nevertheless, the devoted wife nodded and kissed her husband goodbye. Spencer had to look away, his stomach churned at the sight. He tried not to think about what those very lips felt like, the memory attacking him from all angles. He wanted to flee as soon as he heard the light smacking of lips against lips. Yet, for some reason, his feet kept him glued to the spot. He didn’t move. Even as various people filed out. Even has he heard the door click shut as soon as Hotch had bid his wife goodbye. He stayed, statue still, until Hotch came up in front of him. The man clearly tried to appear as if everything were normal, though Spencer could see the unease through the cracks in the perfectly crafted shell. Hotch cleared his throat.

“Is- is there anything you need Doctor Reid?”

Spencer just stared at him, disbelief shrouding his features. His chest felt heavy.

“I uh… I have those case reports finished from the other night. I’ll have them on your desk in a few minutes”

He couldn’t think of anything else to say. Anything else would’ve made it far too easy for him to break apart; talking about work was safe. Hotch looked surprised at Reid’s choice of topic. He was clearly glad to keep avoiding the obvious, though he was shocked Reid had gone home and finished the files. Something deep in his gut felt terrible about this. He could taste bile in his throat.

All he gave in response was a single nod, and then he was stepping away from the guilt that came with Spencer Reid and failed to ignore the loss of warmth he felt at not being near him. He sat at his desk, eye’s barely skimming the budget report that was placed there, as the door slammed with a jolt. Aaron heard the sound ricochet in his ears like a thunderclap, for several minutes once he was alone. He put his head in his hands.

“Damnit…”

* * *

They don’t talk about it.

They don’t really talk about anything. No words said to each other. Even when they’re on cases, they go about and tread around each other without uttering a single syllable. They still manage to co-exist and solve cases, but there’s a wedge the size of the wall of China between them. Hotch had started the construction of it after their very first kiss and after he ran away. Reid most definitely was the one to finish it though, if his glares and passive aggressive ignorance was any sign. Since they had got carried away in each-others lustful passion at the office, Reid had taken Hotch’s rejection the hardest. It didn’t help that he now had a son. Spencer tried to remind himself that it wasn’t Jack’s fault for his father’s discrepancies involving Spencer’s lips, but it didn’t stop Spencer from associating Jack with everything he couldn’t have. He was a reminder that Hotch had a wife, a family, and that Spencer was just the dirty little secret. He didn’t appreciate being used and played around like that. So, yeah, he was mad and Hotch had noticed; regretted it even. He couldn’t handle Spencer ignoring him, pretending that he didn’t exist. He heart ached at the distance between them. Though he should’ve been focusing on his family, his heart cared more for fixing things between him and the Genius before any permanent damage could be done to their relationship.

Hotch was stood staring at the board filled with investigation details, whilst they were out in Georgia. Reid was sat at the table, back turned to him and completely closed off as he hunched himself over a stack of old receipts. He was whizzing through the stack, trying to find any minute detail to help with identifying the unsub and completely trying to feign indifference at how Hotch kept on periodically looking back at him. As Hotch looked, his saw pieces of hair fall passed the young genius’s eyes and felt the urge to assist him by combing it back behind his ear. He mentally slapped himself as he had to stop thinking like that; he couldn’t afford to keep looking at Reid like he was the light of his life. He already had one of those, who was currently at home in DC taking care of a baby that he helped bring into the world. Knowing this wasn’t enough to switch off his ever-evolving feelings for the young boy. Despite the inner conflict, Aaron knew he at least needed to fix things between he and Reid, if only for the survival of the team. The only problem was that Spencer adamantly paid him no mind; he didn’t look his way or even acknowledge him when he spoke out his orders for him on a case. Not one muscle in that sculpted face of his moved in response to Hotch. Even then, when they were waiting for the other’s to get back with new leads, Spencer was doing a fantastic job at pretending he was alone. His body language said it all. Hotch couldn’t fathom how he was able to do. Surely it was just as hard for him as it was for Hotch to not take notice of the other’s slow breathing, or the quick flick of his wrist as he surfed through old purchase records, or even the cute way his tongue would poke out as his concentration intensified. It was funny that while Reid was ignoring him, all Hotch could focus on was Spencer. His whole body in the few weeks since they last spoke had tuned itself to Reid in his entirety.

Hotch stepped back from the board, turning to Spencer, who’s head perked at noticing Hotch looking at him. So, he wasn’t completely ignoring him, this for some reason made the weight on Hotch’s shoulders lift a little. There was hope. He stepped closer to the young profiler, flag raised in surrender and guard completely taken down. He cleared his throat and was about to speak up when Reid suddenly jumped out of his seat holding a single piece of paper. Whatever he had been looking for in that plethora of bills, he clearly found it. Just then, JJ and Gideon stepped into the room. Spencer immediately turned to them.

“Guys, I think I’ve just found our unsub!”

Gideon stepped up to him, patting him on the back and taking the file from him as he waited for Reid to explain his findings. Hotch stepped back, putting another proverbial brick in that wall between them as he buried his feelings deep down. He listened to Reid blow their case wide open with a sigh. His chest had that familiar ache in it.

* * *

Hotch was in the middle of co-ordinating the arrest and transfer of a Hillside Strangler copycat to California state Prison, Sacramento. The unsub had no registry in the system, no ID, no evidence that said he should exist. He called himself Ken, absorbing the persona of his serial killer idol, but other than that, no one knew where he came from. Even Garcia had trouble finding anything remotely linked to this guy. He was like a ghost. Anyway, Hotch was just liaising between the LAPD and the Federal Marshalls, dodging any and all questions the media were pelting at him, as he heard Reid’s phone chime from next to him. His ear piqued.

“Doctor Reid….Oh Lila hey!”

Hotch stiffened at the sound of a very familiar name. His grip on Ken tightened exponentially, to the point where the man called out in pain.

“Hey, easy on the wrist. I wanna look my best for the people. - “

“Shut up!”

Hotch growled the command, keeping his ear focused on the conversation Reid was having on the phone.

“Yeah, I ‘m in LA. How did you-?”

Reid’s voice sounded light and completely besotted. Aaron tried to refrain from ripping the phone from the young agents ear and dashing it at the camera man pestering him. His teeth clenched; he was on edge. So many things around him were positioned to have Hotch blow.

Reid looked to the camera’s, realising that he was live on the news channel. He blushed at the embarrassment. Aaron swallowed.

“Oh. Yeah, we uh we had a case. It’s over now so….”

Hotch was in the middle of pushing Ken into the car when Reid walked off away from the view of the camera. He just about caught the end of the conversation before Reid hung up, smile set so high like concrete had been poured over his features. Aaron hadn’t seen him smile like that since… well, since when.

“Yeah, I’ve got a few hours before I leave. I would love to meet up…. Alright I’ll be there in 30. See you soon. Bye, bye”

Reid walked over to where Gideon was standing, who looked sorrowful as he stared at the man who had killed 13 young women, ready to let him know he’d meet the rest of the team on the airstrip in a few hours. Gideon nearly jumped out of his skin when he was jarred out of his thoughts but then quickly replaced his frown with a warm smile at hearing where Reid was going. He patted the young boy on the back, bidding him farewell, then Reid practically leaped away, satchel held high on his shoulder as he went to meet Lila.

Hotch felt the need to rush after him, he quickly tried to think of an excuse to get the young man to stay, but as he saw the gusto Reid possessed on his way to meet the radiant movie star, Hotch sighed and just let him go.

\--

Later at the airstrip, the team nestled quietly in their seats, waiting for the last passenger to arrive. Hotch hobbled his knee as he stared out the tiny window, searching for long limbs and shaggy locks. Gideon nodded from across the table, questioning Hotch’s unease. He professed that it was just the adrenaline depleting from the showdown he and his team faced whilst catching the unsub. He smiled with reassurance to his mentor and then quickly returned his gaze to the runway through the window. His heart longed for more than just to see Reid turning up to the airstrip, coming back to him from his date with Lila.

As if some higher power had heard the yearning in his chest, Reid barrelled onto the plane, stumbling through the Cabin. The euphoria on his face was unmistakable. Hotch frowned when he saw how bitten red his lips were; he knew first-hand what caused that look. His heart flushed into his stomach, Hotch wanted so much to take that face in his hands and replace any and all feelings that Lila Archer had left imprinted onto Reid’s skin. He wanted to push and move flush against his mouth so powerfully that it would leave Reid only being able to feel him. He stayed glued to his seat, though. Reid made his way over to the only seat left on the plane, the one next to Hotch’s on the opposite side of aisle. The discomfort on Reid’s face was as plain as day, but nevertheless Hotch smiled at him. Painstakingly warm and sincere. Reid turned his attention away from him, bringing out a German edition of _The Adventurous Simplicissimus_ to read. The silence that embarked over the entire cabin as lift-off was taken, to the naked eye could be seen as relaxing; Aaron however, felt anything but. Not knowing what to do with himself, Hotch cleared his throat, loudly, which caused Reid to look up from his book. When they caught eyes, Aaron didn’t look away. He tried to smile, though the action felt awkward; Reid just dismissed him by looking back down at his book. Hotch leaned across the aisle, voice set in a low whisper, finger’s clammy. He motioned for Reid to look at him.

“H-how was your date with Lila?”

Eye’s peeled open wide, bulging out of their sockets, as Reid’s mouth fell open, surprised that Hotch had asked him at all. They hadn’t spoken in weeks. Spencer wasn’t quite sure if he should respond or not, he was still pissed at him. As he stared at those soft features and the almost grieved longing on the older man’s usually stoic face, the cage around Spencer’s heart slowly unlocked itself. He placed his book closed on his lap and turned his body to properly engage with his boss.

“Do you really want to know?”

It was a loaded question, more than it had any right to be, Hotch felt as if a frog had lodged itself into his throat. He thought about what his answer would be; no, he didn’t want to hear anything about Spencer’s time with Lila, but his need to just have the young man speak to him was far greater. He struggled to breathe through his next words.

“I do”

When Spencer searched his eyes for any instance that he was lying, all he saw was a sincerity that caused the air in his lungs to seize up. He had never been the object of such raw affections before. He swallowed the spit that had pooled in his throat and sat up higher.

“It wasn’t a date”

Spencer almost laughed at the comical way Aaron’s shoulders had dropped down out of relief when he said that. He kept his smirk at bay. Nevertheless, he persevered through the stuttered conversation, mumbling and gesticulating awkwardly as he recalled his late afternoon with the young movie star. Hotch smiled and closed his eyes at hearing that sweet Vegas accent as it dripped into his ears. It wasn’t the way they used to be, but he was at least glad they were talking again.

Hope was a good thing to have in the end.

* * *

Aaron didn’t like seeing Spencer walk into a house that was set to blow any second, any more than he did watching him walk onto that train in Texas with Ted Bryar. Randall Garner had been very adamant about it being Doctor Reid to defeat him. He knew things about each and every person on the team that no one should’ve; it unnerved Hotch to no end. He was just glad that he didn’t know everything. As the unit chief, he had no choice but to let Reid and his entire team, walk into that house to rescue Rebecca Bryant. He didn’t have to like it.

Nevertheless, he hadn’t felt as much pride for his prodigy as he did when his clever brain got them through the case. They were escorting Miss Bryant to safety when he took Reid by the arm, motioning to step aside and pulled him into a short hug. He lifted away with a strong squeeze of his arm.

“I’m proud of you, for what you did in there. Thank you”

The responding smile, though coy, was heart-clenching. The fleeting moment was short-lived, but so genuine. Reid tagged along with Hotch to the police station to get Rebecca Bryant’s witness statement; they couldn’t close the case without getting her account of things. The rest of the team rushed to be by Elle’s side for when she woke up. When they were done with wrapping things up, they would join the rest of the team.

It was a few hours later they were walking in to greet Morgan, Garcia and Gideon at Elle’s bedside. She was awake. Hotch walked over to the bed, eyes downturned; he couldn’t look Elle in the eye, even as he bent down to squeeze her. In his grip, it was as if he was trying to make sure she was still with them. Reid knew that Hotch blamed himself for what happened to her, no matter how many times each of his team, including Elle, told him it wasn’t. Reid professed this the most. He tried to convey that he was willing to be a shoulder to lean on or an ear to listen to his troubles if he needed. Though, Spencer guessed, he wasn’t Hotch’s first choice of confidant.

When they returned to the office later that night, leaving Elle to her rest, Gideon and Hotch stepped into his office surreptitiously. Reid knew they were going to hash out Hotch’s pent up anger and guilt. Though things between Reid and Hotch were still on the mend from their altercations a few weeks back, Reid still wanted to be there for him. It felt like days passed before the two eldest members of the team emerged from the confines of Hotch’s office. Hotch stood at his doorway, declaring thanks and gratitude for Gideon’s wise words, who treacled back to his office to collect his things. Reid watched him stroll out of the bullpen, never forgetting to greet Reid with a humble wave goodbye. Out of the corner of his eye, Reid saw Hotch retreat into his office. The huffed sigh the man let out was easily heard by Spencer’s young, perky ears. The man was clearly still in distress. Perhaps Gideon wasn’t as good at pep-talks as he thought. Hotch had, evidently, put on a brave face for the father-figure so he wouldn’t worry over him. He was very good at hiding his feelings and burying them in work. For some reason, on this occasion, that didn’t settle well with Spencer. He got up to make his way over to the door of Hotch’s office, not having the man stew in his own turmoil. He knocked unobtrusively, leaving room for the older man to dismiss him. When no answer came, Spencer walked in without missing a beat. The resulting look of surprise on Hotch’s face as he looked up from a budget summary report, stopped Spencer in his tracks. The pinched brow on his superiors face threw him for a loop- being brought back to finding a familiar brow on a much younger face. Spencer gulped and thought-better of storming in like that. Out of all his internal anger at this man, Spencer forgot how completely weak he was for him. They hadn’t been intimate for long, but Spencer fell quick. He was fed-up with trying to hide it. He felt warm as he looked at Hotch’s, quite frankly, attractive face. His hands started to fidget as he muttered quiet apologies for disturbing Hotch. Hotch batted away his unnecessary words with a swift hand, inviting him inside with a warm smile. Spencer complied.

“Reid. What brings you here?”

Hotch sounded more than surprised Spencer had approached him like this. They both hadn’t been in here together, alone, since the last time they had been physical.

“I just wanted to come check you were doing okay. You seemed troubled when we got back from the hospital”

Hotch’s smile was forced.

“I’m fine, Spencer. Really”

Anyone else probably wouldn’t have noticed, but Spencer had memorised this man’s every facial expression to know when an emotion he conveyed with it wasn’t genuine. He stepped closer into the office, closing the door behind him.

“With all due respect sir, I know you’re not.”

“It’s nothing Reid. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have reports to file”

Spencer came to step right up to the edge of the desk, saliva thick as the memories of being perched right there while Hotch attacked him with his mouth flooded him in an onslaught of chaotic bliss. He stayed focused on the task at hand.

“Sorry if I’m stepping out of line. But you’re still caught up over Elle’s attack. I can see it in your eyes”

Hotch looked up at him, right in the eyes. Their gazes were locked. Reid doubled back, floundering as he tried to fight the blush taking over his face.

“N-not that I look at your eyes all that much. Or at all. That’d be weird and - “

Hotch slumped back in his chair then, sighing. Reid stopped blabbering.

“You’re right. I can’t help but feel that if I had gone home with Elle, like my instincts were telling me to, just to make sure she was okay, that she wouldn’t be in the hospital recovering from a gunshot wound right now”

Reid pulled the chair from in front of Hotch’s desk and swerved it to sit right next to him. Spencer acted as if it wasn’t irregular for his behaviour to do so. Hotch floundered for a moment, finding it difficult to formulate any thoughts with how close they were; the closest they had been in weeks.

“That’s just preposterous. If you had been there you know Randall Garner would’ve tried to take you out first, he was clearly after Elle. You would’ve gotten in the way. Then you’d both be in hospital, possibly dead. And what would’ve we have done then? We might not have saved Rebecca Bryant without you.”

Hotch twirled his thumbs together, thinking of how he should phrase the next bit. He refused to meet Spencer’s eyes as he said it.

“Oh, you would’ve. The team had you. If there was anyone who was gonna save the day, it would be you and your brilliant mind. That’s why Garner chose you as Sir Percival.”

Hotch swallowed before he could get the next bit out.

“To be honest, I don’t know what this team would do without you. What I would do”

Both of the men sat in that rigid suspense as the words were absorbed into every pore on every limb of every inch of skin. The rush of endorphins that Spencer was suddenly drowned in, had his heartbeat padding along to the tap of his fingers on his knee. Hotch had trouble breathing around the lump in his throat. They hadn’t been this open with each other before, not even as they opened themselves up physically to each-other when their worlds collided with the meeting of their lips. Spencer, unsure, placed his hand tentatively on Aaron’s knee. Hotch almost jumped out of his skin at how good to finally feel the young man’s touch after what felt like an eternity. He had missed him. Spencer’s small smile was plain to see.

“Don’t sell yourself so short boss. Psychologically speaking, a team is only as strongest as the example laid down by its leader. It’s like an equation, remove one variable and you don’t know what effect it would have on the outcome. If it’s true that we couldn’t have won today without me, then as much is also true for you”

Spencer’s hand didn’t move, even as he finished his monologue. The thumb started drawing circles on the juncture of the knee-cap. Hotch felt strangely sensitive to that. The young man’s words, though filled with logic and science jargon, were drenched in feeling and affection. How had 5 minutes with someone so young done better for Hotch’s overactive mind than 30 minutes with someone he had known for almost 10 years. Gideon may have had his fair share of bonding moments, but this felt so much more than just that. He placed his hand over Spencer’s, grateful for his presence. His thumb stroked over the strong knuckles, absent-mindedly. Slowly, the fine layer of brick in that wall between them started chipping away. Hotch thanked Reid for his words, eyes pouring into the other’s how deeply true his appreciation was. Their gazes locked with each other for several moments, neither attempted to look away as the pit’s in their stomachs overflowed and swept them both out to a raging ocean. Waves crashed against their ribcages angrily, hearts lodged in their throats. The air felt thick. Hotch slowly leaned over, giving Spencer time to run. The young man swore this time he wouldn’t. Their lips met in a blazing fire of glory. Their lips brushed each other softly, tepid and sweet. Hotch drowned in himself in that moment, nerves coming to life as his addiction was fed; he had missed the sweet taste of Spencer’s plump mouth. Spencer felt a familiar burn from deep within him, something that it seemed only Hotch had the ability to awaken. He had never felt this passion for anyone in his life.

Before Spencer could let himself fall over the edge of that desire, he pulled away, other hand coming up to rest on Hotch’s chest. His other hand stayed planted underneath Hotch’s on the man’s knee. Hotch chased him, but Spencer’s hand came up to stop in his pursuit. The look on Spencer’s face was serious and determined. Hotch swallowed around the lump in his throat.

“Why do you keep doing that?”

Hotch leaned out of Spencer’s touch, not liking where his question had led them. He couldn’t answer that; didn’t even know how to. Spencer’s hand dropped from his knee, retreating back into his own lap. It looked like Spencer wasn’t the one he had to worry about running. His anger set itself back into place over the cage of his heart. He looked at Hotch in disbelief.

“If you’re not going to talk, then I’m just going to leave”

Hotch held up his hand before Spencer could even move a muscle to stand up. He couldn’t handle being at odds with him again; the last few weeks had been hell.

“Wait, I- I don’t know, why.”

Spencer settled back into his chair, relieved that they were finally talking.

“That’s not good enough Hotch. You’re forgetting that you’re sitting across from a Profiler”

Hotch frowned at his lie being spotted. He pondered for a few minutes, bottom lip taught between his teeth. His leg shook with the weight of his impending confession, heart sat heavy in his chest.

“I find you attractive…”

Spencer watched over at him as if expecting more. He didn’t say a word, didn’t even flinch. Hotch curled into himself then, ready for the wave to come crashing over him. He mumbled out from his chest.

“I can’t stop thinking about you. Ever since that first time I kissed you after the train incident in Texas, you’re all that’s been on my mind…”

Spencer perked up at finally hearing him say it. He wouldn’t let it be easy for the man though.

“But you came into my room that night to kiss me, why? Why did you do that when - “

“I like you, okay?”

The room was silent. The amount of time that passed between them as neither said a word, just stared at each other, was indecipherable. The sheer fear Spencer saw in the older man’s eyes, made him appear small, vulnerable. Spencer had never seen him like that. The person who was usually as unbreakable as a tank, whose face was permanently set in a scowl, who struggled to show even an ounce of emotion to those around him, was exhibiting so much fear and turmoil in that moment. Spencer brought his hand up to the man’s cheek. He was ready to fight this, to question the man with a wife, the man with a son, why he was so willing to cheat, why he was so willing to make Spencer a homewrecker. When it got to that moment, however, all Spencer could think, all he could feel was his own blazing fire of raw emotion for this man. The same emotion that made him just as vulnerable. For once, as he looked into dreamily coffee coloured eyes, he thought to himself that he deserved to be selfish. He didn’t care who he hurt in the process. They both wanted this. He leaned forward, wives and new-born baby’s be damned, and took the man’s mouth in another kiss. It was short and fleeting, but no less exhilarating than the ones that had come before it. When they separated once more, the look of fear in Aaron’s eyes was replaced by what can only be described as pure adoration. Spencer was sure that a similar look was reflected in his own eyes. They both smiled at each other, feeling every slight and every wedge slowly tear itself down between them. They stayed like that for several long moments, exchanging little pecks mixed with even longer drags of their lips together, until finally Spencer pulled away, breath heavy.

“I have to go finish my reports for today before I go home, otherwise I’ll fall behind”

Hotch smiled up cheekily at him.

“I know for a fact that I can get your boss to cut you some slack”

Spencer turned from him, already making his way out of the office and back to his desk.

“Nope, you’re not gonna do that. I won’t allow it”

Hotch followed him out, flabbergasted at the abrupt cease to their activities. His shoulders were thrown up in contention.

“Hey, you can’t just leave me hanging like that”

Spencer sat back on his desk, a challenge set on his smouldering look.

“Oh, but I can. And I will”

He spun around to pick up a very interesting file on his desk, failing to notice that it was a silly drawing Morgan did of Spencer with a wig in his hand and a bald head. Hotch came up behind him, hands snaking round his waste in an attempt to sway him. He laid several kisses on Spencer’s neck, coaxing him back into their bubble. The bullpen was empty, save for the light smacking of Aarons sweet mouth on Spencer’s sensitive spot. The feeling of having that mouth work its way up the juncture of Spencer’s neck, was mind-numbing. He had no idea an action so simple could have even his genius brain short-circuit. He brought his hand up to drag that delectable mouth from completely melting him down to a puddle of goo. He turned to plant a small plaintive kiss on the older man’s lips.

“You do realise the faster I get these done, the quicker we can resume?”

He waggled his eyebrows, suggestively. Hotch wasn’t used to seeing the man so flirtatious, but he loved every moment of it. He relented, pulling up a chair so he could assist in getting the reports done faster. It was purely for his own personal gain. Spencer laughed as the older man set to doing his work for him. He slumped into his chair, falling into step with Hotch as he skimmed through the small stack of files on Reid’s desk.

Though the workload was light, both men found that after such an emotionally draining and exhausting day, when they finally finished filing the reports, they hadn’t the energy to get back to their previous activities. With understanding glances, they both made their way to collecting their things, tirelessly waddling around. When they stepped into the elevator, Hotch’s hand caught with Reid’s. They hung onto each other lightly, grip almost undetectable, as they descended to the ground floor. They stepped out, still hand in hand, and waited. For what, they didn’t know. Finally, after giving the surroundings a quick once over, Hotch leaned over and pressed a feather-light kiss to Spencer’s mouth. The warm feeling in both of their chests merged together in that moment and became symbiotic. They were one. When Hotch leaned away, he didn’t go far. His whisper almost made Spencer’s knee’s give out.

“Goodnight Spencer”

The use of his name made Spencer swoon.

Hotch stepped away into the night, disappearing with the wind as he set on his way home to his wife. His wife, Spencer thought. He tried not to taste the bile gathering in his throat at the implications of just what had begun that evening. He made his way home, already feeling the loss at not having Aaron Hotchner with him. He didn’t sleep at all that night.

* * *

Hotch was standing in the middle of the scene of a home invasion. The current unsub they were pursuing, liked to periodically break into his victims homes before fleeing at least 3 times before he annihilated them; scare tactics to let them know he was coming. The team had profiled this already, so to Hotch’s comfort they were not standing in the middle of a murder scene. As a result of picking up on the guys M.O, they were able to identify who his next targets were before he got to them. The call had come in a little passed 5am. The team didn’t even have time to consume their usual bucket of coffee before heading over. Maybe that was why when Hotch stood, watching Spencer explain something about the psychopathology behind someone feeling the need to create terror, he couldn’t fully separate himself from his attraction for the man while he should’ve been focusing on work. His smile felt droopy, but it shone like he was looking at the sun itself as he watched that beautiful mouth move. It was almost trance-like the way he fell forward and took the man standing from across him in a languid kiss, cutting him off mid-speech.

“and that’s why it’s thought that the love map of a child is the foundation of all their emotional... mmmhmmm”

Spencer stiffened at the surprise gesture throwing a spanner in his intellectual monologue. He almost pushed the man away, scared that a cop would walk in from outside any minute, but soon the spell Hotch’s smooth lips cast on him took full effect. They melted into each other like butter and chocolate. It wasn’t heated or in any way desperate; they moved against each other placidly, like they were coming home after a long time away. They hadn’t done this much in the few weeks since they had after the fisher king case; their busy work and home lives almost made it impossible to find a moment where it was just them, alone. They stole a few quick pecks here and there when the team were fast asleep on the plane back after a long case, or in the bathrooms of police stations they were working from. The longing present in how they were kissing now was not easy to miss. Hotch brought his hand up to hold Spencer’s soft cheek in his hand. He lifted off slowly, eyes immediately find the starstruck look addling the young agents eyes. The look turned quizzical.

“What was that for?”

His smile was so bright, despite the feigned scrutiny that Spencer tried to perceive. Hotch’s thumb absentmindedly stroked over the cherry red apple of Spencer’s cheek. The movement, though brief, felt wonderful and soothing. He dove back in pressing forward like his life depended on it and then in a flash stepped away and began walking out of the house, ready to give the full profile and perhaps get some coffee, finally. He called back at the man still standing shell-shocked in the middle of the trashed living room.

“I had to shut you up somehow Doctor Reid”

Though he was unmistakably sure that Hotch was flirting with him- _Flirting-_ Spencer still allowed the offense he felt at what the man had cheekily said to him, set in. He flung forward, catching onto the man’s shoulder’s and shoving him lightly.

“Hey!”

They laughed and giggled, hanging onto each other all the way back to the station, unaware of the confused looks the team were throwing their way. They really needed some coffee.

* * *

Hotch was getting home late, completely done for and ready for sleep. The weather wasn’t great that night, he was drenched in the oncoming downpour. He practically slumped through the door as he entered his home. The crackling storm forgotten behind him. He tried to listen out for any signs of life, determined not to wake his wife and sleeping child as he padded through to the landing. He dropped his keys down into the bowl on the unit by the door. The case the team had just been on was a long one; being a member down made it even more tough. Hotch wasn’t at all surprised when Elle came to him and told him she didn’t feel she could do this job anymore and wanted to resign her status as SSA. He was dejected at having to say goodbye to her though. Not only had he lost a member of his team, he had lost a friend. They all did. Being short on numbers meant that a lot of slack had to be picked up until Hotch could find a replacement; that’s why he had been staying at the office a lot later than he usually did. He stepped into the living room, opening the secret draw compartment in the coffee table to put his gun away, and loosened his tie before slouching into the couch. He closed his eyes, feeling inches away from sleep, then Haley strode in and switched on the main light. Hotch had to bring up his arm so his eyes could adjust to the sudden brightness. He looked over to his wife.

“Sorry, I thought you were asleep”

He tried not to feel attacked by her sudden appearance, her face was pointed in annoyance.

“No. I was up waiting for you. Like I always do. Why were you late anyway?”

Her tone said everything. She was pissed. Aaron stood up slowly, shoulders raised in surrender as he tried to calm the waters in an attempt to prevent the fight, he could feel coming along. He thought he had gotten out of the storm outside.

“Like I told you Haley, we’ve had a lot of pressure on us since Elle left.”

“Oh, and I’m not also under pressure? I need you here Aaron, helping me with raising _our_ son. Is it too much to ask that you’re here to at least put him to bed?”

Her voice had raised a few octaves. Aaron really didn’t have the capacity to deal with her outburst. He slumped passed her into the kitchen, grabbing a beer. Haley stomped after him.

“I’m sorry Haley. Sorry that I have to go out to a demanding job just to put food on our table and clothes on our back. Including our son’s. Sorry that I don’t really feel like having this fight again right now”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are you tired? Do you need rest? Well newsflash so do I. While you were out today your son developed Colic. He’s had a high fever all day.”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because I know that we’re only second class when it comes to your job.”

He scoffed at her lucrative accusation.

“Haley that’s just ridiculous-“

“No, it’s not. You’re never fucking here Aaron. I thought we were supposed to be in this together. You promised you’d be home more once the baby was born. But you’ve been away more! I can’t be doing this on my own. That’s not what I signed up for”

They had reached shouting level, Haley’s face had reddened in her anger. Hotch glugged down a healthy swig of beer before he spoke up his retort.

“keep your voice down. You’re gonna wake jack.”

“Oh. now suddenly you act like you care?”

“Of course, I care”

“Then why are you never here? You know he doesn’t even know you.”

“of course, he does. I’m his-“

“Father? You’re his father? Really? You know that title has to be earned. It’s not something you have the right to just because it was your penis that knocked me up.”

The baby monitor on the breakfast island lit up with an alarming screech. Jack’s cries sounded from upstairs, crackling through the monitor’s small speakers. They both huffed and exhaled through the anger still bridled in their lungs. Haley looked away, collecting herself. Aaron jumped on the opportunity to prove her wrong.

“I’ll go”

“No, Aaron I’ll go. Move”

“Haley he’s my son. Just let me go take care of him”

He didn’t stand around for her permission, he just stomped up the stairs, not looking back at his wife. He creeped in Jack’s room, steps light. He felt his chest relieve some of the tension from downstairs.

“Hey buddy. Ooh what’s got you so wound up?”

He leaned over the crib, picking his son up with gentle arms and cradled him to his chest, drawing circles on his back in a soothing motion.

“Were mommy and I too loud? I’m sorry. We were having a very loud discussion because we love you so much.”

His crying continued, even as Aaron rocked him to his favourite lullaby. It was mere minutes later that Haley walked in, still cross and beckoned for Aaron to give up his son to her. She didn’t sound like she was up for debate as she demanded Aaron give him to her.

“Give him here Aaron. I’ll take care of him”

“No let me. Your tired. I can do it”

“Aaron, he needs a feed. Just give him over. He’s not a trophy”

She sounded tired, but it wasn’t sleep she needed. Aaron passed Jack into her arms, softly lifting his head with a tentative hand. He left the room with a huff, not before leaving a plaintive kiss on Jack’s forehead. The fight wasn’t over, hadn’t been over for months, but he was far too exhausted to carry on this never-ending battle. As he thought that having a child was supposed to bring a couple closer, he stepped up to the hallway closet and brought out some spare blankets. Aaron slept on the couch that night.

* * *

Aaron slammed Spencer into the cubicle just as fast as he slammed his mouth against his. They were at the office, experiencing a rare off day where there was no case. The team had been waiting in the conference room, ready to brief on any case that could be called in. Spencer had come in that morning wearing the tightest pair of jeans that Aaron had ever seen. He’d certainly never seen Spencer in jeans before either. He couldn’t take his eyes off him. He looked utterly delicious and Aaron wasn’t sure if Reid knew it or if he definitely knew that Aaron was so hungry for him. He was so distracted by the way the dark wash pair hugged his round plump ass so well, and the glasses hanging loosely off his nose. He had wanted nothing more than to push up against him and show the young genius just how distracted by him he was. This is why Aaron had lured him out of the conference room, under the guise of needing to talk, and led him into the men’s bathroom on the lower floor. They didn’t know anyone down here.

Aaron pushed harder onto that mouth, teeth coming out to catch Reid’ bottom lip, as the young genius himself screamed out in beautiful pleasure. They squeezed and hugged and fell deep into that headspace they hadn’t entered into since Aaron had rutted against the younger man to his orgasm that time in his office. Feeling of a similar heat, Aaron trained his hips into Reid’s, harsh and fast. The young agent cried out in both shock and pure bliss as Aaron grinded him into the wall. There was nothing nice about it. Whereas they had been soft with gentle touches to each other in the weeks since this had become a regular thing, there was no ounce of patience found in the way they worked against each other. Reid was so hard beneath his very tight jeans, and the sight made Hotch feel even headier in his own desire. They carried on attacking each other’s lips, breath’s ragged and blending into the other. Reid clung to Aaron’s shoulders with a death like grip as the older agent moved down to his throat. The resulting gasp of breath that had Reid clinging to Aaron’s hair as he worked his tongue over the juncture of Reid’s adam’s apple, set something in Aaron on fire. He bit down on that spot, ever so lightly, waiting for the strangled cry that sounded as Reid reached the precipice of euphoria. Aaron felt more than saw, the building patch of dampness in the young boy’s jeans. He moved his hips against the other one’s still, albeit slow and languid. He lifted his gaze up to look at the spent and entirely unfocused eyes of the man who was usually as sharp and alert as an owl at night, and the knowledge that he had reduced Spencer to such a spaced out mess had him adding to the wet feeling in his groin as his own release pressed against Spencer’s.

They came down from their high slowly, still clinging to each other like letting go would allow them to plummet to the dark depths of hell. Aaron was the first to regain cognitive thought, he brought his hand up to pull Spencer back to the land of the living and brought his face forward for one last kiss.

The kiss seemed to break the curse and the boy was smiling that million-dollar smile at him; it held so much adoration that Aaron was wary of drowning in it. He stepped away from his position holding up Spencer to the wall. His knee’s jiggled with the support that was suddenly ripped from him. He slumped back against the wall as Aaron eyed up Spencer’s lean body in full. Spencer felt caught under that gaze. He looked down, any excuse not to have to see the way Aaron was pinning him in place with a sultry gaze. He caught view of the mess he made in his pants and started giggling. Aaron looked at him, puzzled, a familiar smirk adorning his lips.

“What is it?”

“Nothing. It’s just, we’re gonna have to change now. I’ve ruined my jeans”

He looked sheepish, Aaron tried not to laugh at his innocence.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have worn them”

Spencer slowly brought his gaze up to seize upon Aaron, head still held low. He had a sly smirk on his face, replacing the shy timid look from before.

“I thought you liked them?”

He stepped closer to Aaron, confidence shining and slightly turning Aaron on. He didn’t think it was possible so soon after already coming. He didn’t have it in him to answer. When Spencer, in a shocking turn of events, had him trapped against the other wall, something in Aaron’s thoughts clicked, distracting him from the growing arousal in his groin.

“Wait. You wore those on purpose, didn’t you?”

Spencer surged forward, catching Aaron’s mouth in another kiss, dirty and quick, as answer. He pulled off, exiting the toilet cubicle quickly, Aaron not far behind him. He was already at the door when he turned back with a cheeky tongue poking out the side of his mouth.

“Maybe”

It was a quick shrug of his shoulders before he swiftly left the bathroom with a small chuckle that only Aaron would hear. Aaron stood, disbelieving at the constant array of surprising things he had seen burst out of Spencer like a shining star in the last few weeks. He stepped into rhythm, following the young man out with a similar chuckle settled in his throat. Spencer Reid was going to be the death of him.

* * *

It was the middle of the day, Aaron had cracked the window open, allowing a light breeze to float into the lounge, in the hopes that it would ease Jack’s rising temperature. Haley was out with Jessica, taking a day away from being buried in diapers and baby bottles. She was reluctant to leave Jack in the state he was in, despite her need to destress, but it was Aaron’s day off, so he assured her he would be fine staying in and taking care of his son. It was the least he could do as his father; he had to get back in Haley’s good graces somehow. Jack was currently sleeping, as Aaron slouched back into the couch, appreciating the moment of quiet he was granted. Jack’s fever had gotten worse over the weekend, he hadn’t stopped crying all morning. It became harder to deal with when Haley left for her day out that morning; Jack hadn’t gone a day without her in the time since he was born. No matter how hard Aaron tried to calm him and make him feel better, Jack just screamed louder, confused and like he didn’t know who Aaron was. Haley was right that he hadn’t been home enough for the young boy to get to know him. He’d promise to be better. Just as Aaron was drifting off to an early afternoon nap in the middle of his thoughts, Jack awoke with a belated cry. _So much for a nap_ Aaron thought.

He leaped to attention, ready to provide whatever comfort he could to his ailing child. He brought Jack up into his arms, gentle in his touch, soothing a hand in circular motions on his back. When that didn’t work, he resorted to rocking back and forth, but the boy was overly restless, the crying just grew more punishing and with-it Aaron’s insanity. Aaron had no idea how Haley had been able to deal with this for the last 5 months; what did it say about Aaron if he couldn’t handle one day?

He rocked and cradled Jack for a couple more minutes before he felt his own tears of frustration settle in. He stood to his feet, keeping Jack close to his chest and stomped to the kitchen. As he settled Jack down into the high-chair, Aaron thought that perhaps he just needed some medicine. Haley had left a bottle of infant’s cough medicine in the cabinet. He turned, scurrying through said cupboard, unaware of the mess he was making of it, all the while Jack just kept on screaming. Aaron was worried as he was getting red in the face with his wrecked sobs. Aaron was beginning to feel as restless as Jack sounded. He trembled as he carried on searching for the pesky bottle Haley claimed they had. When no luck was found in his quest for the cough syrup, Aaron turned back to Jack, hands pulling at his own hair. He crouched down eye-level with Jack, absorbing his screams and wails with his own. The gust of wind that blew over Jack as his own Father screamed back at him, was comical. The wide-eyed shock on the baby’s face was enough to distract him from his own discomfort; he had stopped crying. Aaron finally managed it, somehow. They faced off one another, caught in a staring contest, then with a bubble of puffy cheeks and wet hiccups, Jack started laughing. It was inexplicable and nowhere near expected, but the giggles that erupted from the young boy’s croaky chest were the cutest thing that Aaron had ever seen. He hung his head from his shoulders in relief, smile coaxing his own features. When he looked up at his son again, the boy’s cheeks still puffed out, Aaron found a cheeky glimmer in his eye.

“What, does your father going crazy make you laugh Jack?”

The resulting squeal cemented the quick change in mood for both of them. Jack was smiling up at Aaron with as much raw power as the sun. Aaron thought to himself that this was the first time Jack had ever smiled up at him like that; with such awe and familiarity. He stood back up, knotting out his shoulder before he stepped forward and gave his, still feverish, son a pat on top his head. His hand came up to ruffle the soft tufts of hair that were barely forming there.

“You know you really are like your mother. She drives me crazy too”

The boy gurgled and then something even funnier happened. His stomach rumbled. Aaron couldn’t contain his smirk.

“Oh, is that why you kicked up a fuss. You hungry Jack?”

As if he understood a thing Aaron was saying as he cooed at him, Jack jumped up and down in excitement, hands coming together haphazardly in a clap, completely missing each other. The boys antics were amusing. Aaron turned back to the fridge to grab the means to make lunch. He was idling about, cutting a tomato on the cutting board, swaying to a song that was playing in his head, Jack’s gurgles sounding in the background, as a call from his work phone came in. He was munching on a leaf of lettuce as he passed Jack, handing him a piece of his own to play with, as he made his way over to pick it up. Aaron leaned back on the counter, watching Jack as he answered.

“This is Hotch”

“Hotch it’s me Gideon.”

Aaron stood straighter, shoulders tensing as he entered Chief mode.

“Gideon, what is it? You know it’s my day off”

There was a sigh on the other end.

“I know Aaron, I’m sorry to have to do this. It’s just I’m out on a consult for a case in Oregon. It was just your average run of the mill pyscho, but…. I’ve hit a stump. It seems my initial profile was wrong. I really need you out here boss”

Aaron brought his free hand to lay across his chest. He looked as Jack as he tore apart the lettuce leaf.

“Can’t you call Reid on it. Or Morgan or Prentis.”

“Already called them. We’re gonna need all hands-on deck for this one….”

That sounded ominous. Aaron closed his eyes, frustrated at having to choose between his son and work again. There was no-one to take Jack; Jessica was the one they usually got to take him when Haley and Hotch couldn’t, but she was out with Haley right then. No matter how much he wanted to help his team, Jack came first; he had to start putting him first.

“Jason, I- I’m at home with Jack right now and Haley is out. I can’t-“

Just as Aaron was turning Gideon down, the front door opened. Aaron could hear two sets of footsteps and some heavy rustling of bags, indicating that Haley and Jessica had taken full advantage of their retail therapy. Haley dropped her bags in the lounge and made her way to the kitchen when she spotted Jack sitting in his chair from across the way. Aaron clutched the phone tighter to his ear.

“Hey boy. How were you while mommy was out? Were you a good boy for daddy today?”

As if he was an afterthought, Haley turned her head to Hotch and frowned at the phone at his ear, knowing what it was. She asked anyway.

“Who’s on the phone honey?”

The false affection in her voice was evident enough in her annoyance. Aaron’s throat felt dry.

“It’s Jason, he’s uh got a case…”

Haley’s posture turned cold, she didn’t look at Aaron and just kept playing with Jack, leaving Aaron barely an acknowledgment.

“You have to go, don’t you?”

“I don’t have to-“

“No. It’s fine. Just go. You’re needed elsewhere”

It was almost painful the way Haley just waved him off. Arguing about this so much was exhausting, she clearly didn’t have any more fight left in her. Aaron was hesitant as he breathed down the phone back at Gideon. He had to clear his throat before he attempted at talking his answer again.

“I’m on my way. Tell the team to meet me at the airstrip. I’ll call Strauss about rounding us up the Jet. We should be there in a few hours”

He was already marching up the stairs, grabbing a few things for his go-bag as he hung up the phone promptly. Before Aaron knew it, he was kissing Jack atop the head goodbye. He was swatted away like a pestering fly when he attempted the same on Haley’s cheek. He couldn’t have run out the door faster. He wouldn’t like to admit it, but this was the most Aaron could breathe all day. The security of his job, despite the chaotic nature, had his chest relaxing. He loved his family, he really did, he just didn’t know how he fit with them anymore.

\--

Reid was perched on a column, go-bag at his heel, and sunglasses smugly set atop his head. He was the picture of leisure, a sight that Aaron wasn’t familiar with. Perhaps this was just Reid when he wasn’t required to be a human database of knowledge. He strode up to the young genius, greeting at the ready. The rest of team weren’t there yet.

“Reid. You’re looking good”

It had just slipped out. Aaron hadn’t meant to let his guard down. He just hoped Reid wouldn’t take notice. However, judging by the smirk that painted its way across his smug face, Aaron surmised that he most definitely took notice. The young genius’s confidence blew back in Aaron’s face, full force, with how his eyes raked up and down Aaron’s casual form. He was wearing a plain white shirt that hung across all his muscles, leaving nothing up to the imagination. His jeans were form fitting, and Spencer would be lying if he said he couldn’t stop staring at his behind. Aaron had to swallow a very large ball of saliva that pooled in his mouth. There was such hunger breathing in the young man’s eyes.

“Uh- I mean just- you’re not wearing a sweater vest, th-the casual look. It’s a new look on you”

Aaron could see the jet pulling up in the distance, the sun reflected off the front of the plane, blinding Aaron as the flecks shone passed his eyes. The light made Spencer’s eyes glow like they were filled with pools of glistening gold. He felt mesmerised; Aaron felt his chest clench with that feeling that was building too much of a habit of waking up around Spencer. Spencer lifted off from leaning back on the column, strutting passed Aaron and leaned close to him, with a whisper.

“Mhm, you don’t look so bad yourself. Boss”

Aaron shivered, his legs felt like jelly; never had Aaron felt an urge so deep to just _touch_ and _feel_ in his entire life. It took him a moment to fall into rhythm behind Spencer as they both made their way over to the plane. Things seemed to re-shift back into gear after a few moments as Aaron gained his ability to form cognitive thought again. He looked around, wondering why the rest of the team weren’t there yet. When he looked forward again, as if on instinct, Aaron’s eyes took note of how Spencer’s ass was poised right at his eye-level as he climbed into the cabin. He shook away the vulgar thoughts that begun to pour into his mind, question at the ready.

“Where’s JJ and the rest of the team?”

“Oh, they’re already there. Gideon called them earlier”

Aaron nodded his affirmation, mouth still hung open slightly from his bated breaths; those jeans looked _really_ good on Reid.

It took a few minutes for them to get comfortable in their seats; for Aaron even longer as, his mind was still foggy with lust, addled with obscenities that would even make a man, who’d seen things as horrific as Aaron had, blush. It felt like no time at all until they were buckling in and taking off. Though Aaron was really trying to focus his mind on thought’s that didn’t involve him with his hands all over the young genius in front of him, who was occupied with looking over the case files- something Aaron should’ve also been doing- Aaron just couldn’t sit comfortably with what was going on down in his nether regions. He was pinning Reid to his seat with a gaze that was so fuelled and unstable that Aaron literally found it hard to breath.

Of course, Reid himself had picked up on the pointed attention being thrown his way, but he played it off; wanting to keep Hotch waiting. As if to torture the older man further, Spencer got up idly with his eyes zeroed in on the file in his hands. He strutted over to one of the single seats across the way- making sure to add a little more pep to his step and sway to his hips- and still paid Aaron no mind, which the man would simply not have. Teeth gritted, Aaron got up deliberately. Like a ninja ready to infiltrate; he tagged his target, who seemed not to have noticed anyone lurking as he buried his overactive genius into the beige folder in his lap. Aaron strode over there, not stopping until he was towering over Reid and casting a shadow over the file that was apparently more interesting that him. It was then that the young man decided to look up. Upon meeting Aaron’s mirthful eye, Spencer gulped. He swallowed that lump of pooling thirst when Aaron bent down, bringing his face closer down to Spencer’s, arms caging him into place as he placed them on the arms of the chair. They were close enough to feel each other’s breath on their lips. Aaron could almost taste Spencer. His eyes fell to take in that plush pink of lips that plagued him every moment that he could breath, no matter how much he tried to rid himself of the affliction. He brought his eyes back up to look into Spencer’s golden flecks in a snap second. His smile grew almost eviler as he formed his next words.

“Did you really think it’s a good idea to ignore me?”

Spencer parted his lips; like with Aaron earlier, the air was suddenly thick in the cabin. Spencer tried to excuse that it was just the pressure of flying, _tried._

“No, sir”

Upon taking in Aaron’s smirk, Spencer realised that he in no way was in control of the situation and hadn’t been from the very start. He mentally slapped himself for not seeing this coming; so much for being a tease he thought. His hands lost their grip of the file in his hand as Aaron leant down further and took his mouth in a fiery kiss. The file ended up falling onto the floor, but neither of them payed it any mind as they fell deeper into each other, heat radiating off every inch of their beings. The cataclysm of boiling passion had barely taken root in Spencer’s stomach when Aaron pulled away and slouched down onto the sofa across from him. The smile that fixed itself onto Aaron’s face did unspeakable things to Spencer’s insides. He was going to make Spencer come to him after that.

When Aaron moved to pick up the folder that had dropped onto the floor and started to flick through it, something feral, wild and hungry possessed Spencer’s soul; his next actions were not of his own volition, but of the desire residing in his chest. One moment, Aaron was cradling the case documents in his lap and the next, it wasn’t collated papers that were nestled there. Spencer slapped them out of the way, uncaring for where they’d land and attacked Aaron in full force. He bit down and fed on the very taste of Aaron’s lips as his hips moved down into Aaron’s crotch. The combined groans of the two men welded together and created a harmony that only they could hear as a sweetly divine melody.

They consumed each other’s moans and absorbed the heat transpiring off from their skin. A vacuum formed around them, blocking out all sensory stimuli. All that mattered were the feelings they were both building to. The very touch of Spencer clinging to the tufts of Aarons hair sent him reeling, his skin mottled with tingles everywhere they met. Their pace gradually became more erratic as they drove their crotches into each other, it was everything and nothing at the same time; they needed more. Spencer was pretty certain he was falling off a cliff, his head felt light; it was as if he was existing on an entirely different plane. A place that only the euphoric petal drops of Aarons kiss could send him. The arousal festering in his hard on grew too much too fast, his jeans were way too tight, and he was sure the fuse would blow, sooner than later. It was maddening, the way Aaron held him. He needed more but feared for his mental capacity if he granted himself as such.

In an effort to preserve his sanity, Spencer extricated himself limb by limb, from the confines of Aaron’s broad lap, willing himself to calm down; he really couldn’t afford to change his jeans.

The look on Aaron’s face was one of pure surprise, his bitten red lips and flustered sweaty face was set in an irresistible pout. Spencer had to turn away, the temptation still evident. He decided that to occupy himself and distract from the impending desperation, he’d go to the kitchenette and make some tea; coffee would be dangerous for his nerves right now.

He left Aaron where he was situated, horny and confused and walked over to his destination. It was an uncomfortable, albeit short, journey as he had to walk in a way that wouldn’t escalate the feeling in his pants; why did he have to wear jeans? Aaron watched as he simply stepped away, feeling oddly like a kid who had lost his soccer ball or something equally as fun to play with. As simply as Spencer had escaped him, Aaron would simply not have it. He moved after the young Einstein and launched his full-on assault. The boy was turned away, stirring his cup of tea when Aaron reached him. Without any preamble, Aaron spun him around and latched onto his hips, pinning him to the counter. Spencer looks as if caught by his predator; and maybe that’s what Aaron was in that moment, his hunger was unmatched. He needed more; he need to touch.

“I’m not done with you”

He left no space for even a breath to be exchanged between them before he mashed their mouths back together. Spencer responded in full, meeting Aaron with as much displaced hunger as before. He bit down and sucked and pulled as his hands trailed over to the buckle of Spencer’s belt. He teasingly flicked at it, causing Spencer to push into his hand before Aaron moved to unfasten it. Spencer pulled back, breath stilled. His mouth hung open, eyes pouring into Aaron’s with meaning.

“Hotch! I’ve never…”

Aaron zoomed back in, ferocious and ravenous. His hands carried on their task of just getting to touch this young man. Once passed the belt, he worked on the zipper and button, the resulting whine was intoxicating. Aaron would be drunk on this feeling for years. Once the clothing was no longer an issue, Aaron lingered, boding his time. Spencer trembled and shook, desperate for the promise of what Aaron was about to do. Aaron bit down further on the already swollen lips, diving in with his hands as they swarmed Spencer’s pants. He kept his hands over boxer, for now, getting a feel before he unleashed himself fully into this never before travelled territory. He absently stroked and lightly squeezed. The noises these actions elicited; Aaron had never heard Spencer unravel so quickly, in the time that he had known him. He swallowed those moans and squeezed harder.

“Ahhhhhh”

As if floating in through a window, ethereally, like a cloud, Aaron breached the cotton barrier, meeting his hand with flesh. His grip, though firm, was wondering; almost curious. Spencer wasn’t the only one experiencing something new; _though_ , Aaron thought, the act wasn’t completely new to him, the equipment was. The raw intimacy that sparked between the two lovers in that moment, drowned out any and all doubt that loomed over them when they usually masqueraded themselves in these trysts. Aaron caressed over Spencer, wrist kept at a minimum movement; If Aaron was learning anything over the smokescreen of his own clouded arousal, it was that Spencer was sensitive. Extremely, so. He kept at a slow and languid pace, unravelling and dissecting Spencer to his very core. The boy, squirmed, practically melting in Aaron’s hands. Spencer would gladly allow Aaron to submerge him in a diminishing bucket of water, if it meant he could drown in this feeling, forever.

Aaron’s steady pace, turned ferocious, as his hand hugged around Spencer’s cock more firmly and worked over him more rapidly, like he was trying to play to the tune of Spencer’s breathing with a percussion instrument. The boy was practically hyperventilating, chest puffing in and out against Aaron’s. They were feeling every inch of each other, and Aaron more some. He didn’t want to be parted from his genius; felt physically sick at the idea of that happening in that very moment. The need and the urgency he felt growl low in his stomach, pushed Aaron passed the point of coherency. He only knew two things, could only process two thoughts as if they were passed the point of consciousness; they were instinct. All Aaron thought, was to touch and never let go. His weight was more on Spencer in the following moment, thrusting him half onto the counter. Spencer worked up as much motor function as he could to cling to Aaron, nails dug deep into his shoulder. His eyes were screwed shut, and what was just mild whimpers before were turning into full blown screams that could scare the strongest predator in the animal kingdom away. Aaron would not flee, though. The way they moved against each other was something akin to primal; they were both reduced to their most basic necessity. As was becoming all too common around Aaron, Spencer’s brain switched off. He wasn’t the Caltech Genius with the IQ of 187, he was just an ordinary, horny man with only one goal in mind. He was oh so close too.

Aaron could see it in the beads of sweat that dripped down Spencer’s forehead, in the way his breath was becoming even more canted and the way his eyes were dilated and misty. Aaron needed to taste him again but was worried the boy would lose his ability to breath all together if he claimed his mouth, so he went for the next best thing. The moment his teeth sunk into Spencer’s neck and his hand continued the titillating pressure hold over Spencer’s, now, leaking cock, Spencer burst out. Screams that drowned out the sounds of the plane, deafening Aaron completely, and release that engrossed over and spilt into Aaron’s palm, originating from that snap in the pit of Spencer’s stomach, erupted from Spencer completely, like the metamorphosis of a higher being. He was truly an angelic being to behold. Aaron drank and slurped up that sultry moan by slamming his mouth down onto Spencer’s; it sucked the breath straight from Spencer’s soul. It was all too much.

They hung to each other for mere moments, unrelenting and too stubborn to let go. After a while it became imperative to feel air in each of their lungs again, so despondently, they had to part. They didn’t stray far, though. Aaron’s head leant against Spencer’s. Though Spencer’s eyes had been glued shut the entire time Aaron jerked him off, too focused on the feeling, Aaron could feel them pouring into him right then; though he couldn’t bear to look himself. The heady bubble of steam that had encompassed them was slowly starting to drift away from Aaron and the thoughts swarmed back into his brain.

He peeled himself from Spencer, unaware of the way the young agents legs buckled and struggled to keep himself up at the removal of their only support. His hand was the last thing to detach itself from Spencer, engrossed in Spencer’s mess. The mess that he had caused. The slight gesture set Spencer off again, his oversensitive whine had a different effect over Aaron now that he was no longer under the spell of provocation. He wanted to unhear it, he wanted to rid himself of the stimulation that still lingered in his groin. He wanted to take it back. It was clear that Spencer, still stuck in the afterglow, couldn’t see the sheer horror on Aaron’s face that spoke all these thoughts. He smiled dreamily at Aaron as he stepped forward the short distance they were from each other and kissed him gently on the lips. He didn’t pull away very far.

“That- was unexpected. But amazing”

Aaron gazed hollowly at Spencer, who still hadn’t noticed his discomfort. He nodded and let the man dive back in for another short peck, unmoving.

“Uh-uh”

Spencer’s hands trailed slowly up Aaron’s arms, engulfing him. Aaron couldn’t breathe.

“Let me return the favour-“

Aaron had never jumped away so skittishly from anyone or anything in his life; not even the most dangerous unsub. This is where the misty eye-d smile dropped from Spencer’s face. He looked at Aaron, puzzled.

Aaron turned away from that look and faced the sink, preparing to wash his hands. He didn’t look up as he spoke; no ounce of emotion was present in his tone.

“No that’s fine, I’m uh- I’m good. We should probably get onto actually reading those case files. We’ll be landing soon”

_How much time had they spent away with the fairies?_

Aaron spoke with a rigid, robotic tone. The empty sound to it, scared even Aaron himself. He finished washing his hands and then routinely walked past Spencer, mindful to not lean into his shoulder as he so often did and now had gotten used to. He returned to his seat, refusing to look up at the only other person in the cabin. He didn’t need to though, to hear the way Spencer spoke next with such grief.

“Right yeah. I’ll uh- I’ll just go clean myself up”

Spencer’s eye’s tracked Aaron as he moved to fetch his go-bag, which was incidentally right over the seat Aaron was settled in. He tried not to give anything away in his confused state. Aaron didn’t flinch or bat an eyelash as Spencer came close to him. It looked as if he hadn’t noticed he was there as he buried himself in the case file in his hands. Little did Spencer know that Aaron was finding it hard to breath, still, despite his dark demeanour that had taken over his mood, upon seeing the slight slip of Spencer’s shirt riding up, revealing luscious pale skin.

Luckily, for Aaron’s sanity, Spencer rushed quickly into the bathroom. Spencer left Aaron alone in the cabin with distressed thoughts plaguing him from every angle. _What had he just done?_

Spencer pinched his eyebrow, wondering what on earth had caused Aaron to flip so abruptly. He searched deep into his bag for a change of underwear and pants as he laughed bitterly to himself.

He had to change anyway.

\--

Spencer felt like he had been here before, somewhere. Standing in front of the over-zealous media, rooted to where he stood as he felt Aaron pretending like he wasn’t constantly looking at him, and watching as the officers dragged away the despicable man they had been called here, amidst vacation, to hunt and detain. He recalled a similar time, when he stood in front of waving cameras and shouting journalists and delighted at receiving a phone-call from Lila, as he felt Aaron all around him, watching him.

The air felt thick, it had been a tough case; the toughest they’d had in a while. The man they searched for, had left the new-borns suffocating in the blood from their own slit throats asleep in their crib, and snatched the mothers away from their homes- wrecked and fearful. It had moved all of them to unfold this particular aspect of the signature. Hotch had been harrowed most of all. The victimology was scarily close to matching that of Jack and Haley. Maybe that was why Spencer felt himself shiver every time Aaron looked at him.

Aaron had been off with Spencer since they were on the jet and Spencer didn’t want to blame his stale coldness on anything else than it being an emotionally strenuous case. What they had done on the plane was intimate and euphoric and Spencer couldn’t even grace the thought of Aaron retreating, yet again after sharing themselves with each other; after Spencer shared an untouched part of himself with Aaron. The stress of this turmoil made a feeling of Illness strike in Spencer’s stomach. He hoped things would be better once they all came down from the woes of the time they spent in Oregon. _Things would get better._

As the team settled on the plane, the onslaught of embarrassment and heat that attacked Spencer in the cheeks as the team passed the Kitchenette to the Cabin space, was almost uncontainable. He caught eyes with Aaron, knowing he’d find a similar look of acknowledgment and hoping to see a hint of affection creased in the depths of his eyes. What Spencer found, however, wasn’t affection, it wasn’t knowing, and it certainly wasn’t familiar. The look Aaron gave was dripping with anger, painted with disgust. It was only a momentary exchange, but Spencer couldn’t escape the memory of seeing such a look being directed at him. It shouldn’t have surprised Spencer, that Hotch sat the furthest away from him, leaving a desolate space between them in the cabin. Spencer tried not to feel like he was falling, with no security of being caught, the entire flight back.

* * *

Aaron had tried, countlessly, to rationalise what he had been doing with Reid these last few months, but the guilt was never too far from his mind. When he held Spencer’s dick in his hand and worked him to his explosive orgasm, though he felt euphoric at having the ability to elicit such obscene cries from the young man, Hotch felt his gut plummet at the intimacy he had pushed the two of them into. He shouldn’t have been sharing intimacy like that with anyone but his wife.

Though it was wrong to only feel the guilt of being unfaithful to his loving wife now, after fooling around with Spencer for months, Aaron still couldn’t help but feel like what he was doing before with Spencer, wasn’t cheating. They hadn’t actually taken clothes off or broached that skin on skin barrier, so it didn’t feel like it counted. What they were doing before was safe, Aaron rationalised. What he had done on the plane was not safe. The worst of it, was that Aaron couldn’t stop himself from wishing to do it again; to feel more, do more. This only angered him further. He had spent a lifetime of curbing himself from temptation, from desiring that which his father hated. Though the man was long gone from his pestering influence over Aaron’s life, his identity, and Aaron had found a way to be accepting of change and differences that were present in the world, he still felt as if there were certain things he could not touch. He loved his wife, felt attracted to her; to women in general. But there was always a part of him that felt the same for men too. What was the word for that? Bisexual? Aaron recoiled at the label. He wasn’t, whatever that label entailed. He had a wife, a child. The only thing to do was to stop. He didn’t leave room for thought or care over who it would hurt in the process. His family came first. He would regret that sentiment later.

When he got home from Oregon, it was late. He found Haley asleep on the couch with Jack asleep in her arms. His fever had gone down, it seemed. Aaron feathered over and laid a gentle kiss atop his wife and son’s heads. The petal press immediately awoke Haley, but Jack did not stir, he snuggled further into the crease of Haley’s neck and yawned. The image warmed Hotch to the core. The grogginess must’ve softened over all the sharp edges Haley had erected in the last few weeks, as when she looked up to see who had disturbed her walk, in dreamland, she smiled warmly and hummed for a kiss on the lips. Aaron, timidly, obliged. He hated that thoughts of a different set of lips caressing his, plagued him. He wanted to rid himself of the memory, despised the place they had sewn themselves into, where he kept his desires. He zeroed in on the sensation of having Haley’s firm, tight-lined lips mould against his and refused the instinct to compare them to the petal-like, soft way Spencer’s simply melted into his.

He pulled away; bile crawled up his throat. Haley was too tired to notice his grief. Aaron decided to coax Jack out of her arms and swayed him up to bed, Haley kept close behind. They both hummed a soft lullaby and gently cooed at their son until they fell asleep. All the while, Aaron felt like this was what it was supposed to be like; this is the exact scene he had imagined when Haley broke the news to him that they were finally pregnant. The joy Aaron had felt then, was the greatest amount of sheer delight he had felt in his entire life. That moment might as well have been a lifetime ago, now. Once Jack was down, the married couple made their way over to their bedroom, Haley loosely hung off Aaron, still half asleep. This had been the softest Haley had been with Hotch in what felt like years. Maybe that was the problem; Aaron hadn’t been intimate with his wife in so long, it was clearly the solution, Aaron thought. Just as Aaron was thinking this, Haley came up behind him, arms and hands smoothing over his shoulders, reaching for the collar of his blazer, so she could take it off. She slipped the garment from Aaron easily, kissing his shoulder as it was revealed.

“How was work, honey?”

Aaron didn’t bother answering; he didn’t want to think about that case, about how the victims were too close to what he had come to call family. He vowed in that moment that he would never take Jack and Haley for granted again; he loved them. It was time that he started showing it. Aaron turned to face Haley and cupped her sleepy face in his hands.

“I don’t want to talk about work”

Without a thought to spare, he leant down and took her mouth in a delicious kiss. She hummed against him and pulled him closer, affectionately. Affection was not what Aaron was after in that moment. He slowly coaxed her into walking backwards until they reached the bed, not breaking the kiss. A part of him had missed this, the feeling of his wife in his hands, as they rode into that familiar space of love and intimacy they had been building since they were both 17. High school sweethearts. Aaron pushed Haley down and back onto the mattress, following suit and mounting her. Still, not one moment went by where they detached from the other’s lips. They laid there, sloppily making out until time itself ran out. Aaron was trying desperately hard to conjure that same pang of euphoria he had been diving into with someone else for the last 5 months, to no avail. This shouldn’t have been that difficult. At some point Haley grew tired of just lying there, without going further; she pressed against Aaron’s chest until they parted. Aaron loomed over Haley, as she spoke.

“Aaron, we’re not in high school anymore”

She said so with a chuckle, completely light-hearted and not with any moronic intention, but Aaron couldn’t help but think how true that fact was. Nevertheless, he wanted to experience this again.

“I know, I just… want to get to know you, again”

Her eyes glistened like they were back at the beginning, living through that courtship period where every look and every smile and every touch, set alight that waterfall of sweet treacling awe that fuelled the fire of their love. Fire tends to burn out though. Aaron went back in, swooping her lips in another kiss. He quickly deepened it, wanting so urgently to dip into intoxicating passion as they pressed and pulled at each other’s bodies. They worked at each other, flipping and removing an article of clothing here, changing position there. At some point, they were both in their underwear, Haley’s bra was unhooked as she sat in Aarons lap. He could feel her enthusiasm on his leg, as she rocked against him finding that friction. It was all things they had done before; it was as familiar to them both as breathing. It seemed that the way Haley danced with him, this all still came naturally to her; the problem was that Aaron couldn’t work himself up long enough without picturing a certain curly haired man pulsate and lose control as they dazzled in a similar heat. The turmoil this caused, made Aaron feel more ill than aroused. He didn’t want to do this, while picturing someone else. Haley began to sense his discomfort, she kept stopping to check in. At first it was kind and concerned, and then it slowly turned into annoyance. She knew that he wasn’t getting it up, and frankly she was tired of waiting for her husband to be there, in the same place she was. On a last ditched effort, Haley snaked her hands to wrap around Aaron’s clothes penis. The initial impact almost punched the air out of Aarons gut; he allowed himself to fall into the touch though. It wasn’t even moments later, when that feeling of nausea returned and left Aaron wanting to recoil away from the foreign touch. He bided his time though; this would work. He let Haley stroke over him for what felt like hours, but after a while even Haley’s mood had taken a very non-sexual turn. She decided enough was enough and extricated herself from Aaron’s lap and made her way back into her night-gown. Aaron was stumped.

He followed her up from the bed and took her in his arm again, re-attaching himself to her lips. He instilled just as much ferocity into it as before, though he felt like a cheat. They both knew he didn’t want this. Haley pushed against him again, but this time it was to put distance between them. When Aaron was an arms-length from her, he still didn’t get the message and went in for more. Haley pushed against him one final time, until he was stumbling backwards and catching himself on the wall. She huffed, red in the face, as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. Aaron knew that was a nervous tick she did when she felt she needed to regain control.

“I told you I’m tired Aaron. What is wrong with you?”

He wasn’t even given time to form a reply before she held up her hand in a gesture of silence.

“I think it’d be best if you slept on the couch tonight”

She sounded absolute, leaving no room for debate. Aaron felt himself plummet into a concave of stone and rubble as he was buried in his distress. This felt like the beginning of the end, though Aaron so desperately wanted to cling to what they had. He was hanging by his clutches. He moved himself from the room, grabbed a spare blanket from the closet and made his home on the couch downstairs. When he wasn’t away on a case, he slept there every night for the rest of their marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there was such a gap between posting this chapter and the last. I know i promised you I'd have it up sooner, Chapter 3 is taking me longer to write than i thought. I've had to split it into two, it got so long. 
> 
> Also, I'm about to start my thesis year, so please be patient with my infrequent updates. 
> 
> I'm so glad you're enjoying this so far.
> 
> See you next time x


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning:  
> Depictions of blood and violence.
> 
> I'm so sorry about this one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi fellow readers. have you got tired of waiting for an update yet? I'm not even sure how many people have even read this, but I'm thankful to each and every one of you. I apologize that this took literally 4 months to get up for you. Truth be told, I've had it fully written up until this point since I first posted that prologue, but since updating last I've been struggling to keep up with myself; with uni and stuff going on. I've got most of the next chapter written as well, but i haven't felt very inspired to write more these last few months. I will find my muse again as editing this chapter got me thinking about this story again. Anyway enough of my sap.
> 
> Enjoy lovelies xx

They were called in early on a Saturday. This was one way to explain away the extremely foul mood Reid was in, the other, was sitting at the round table, waiting for the others to arrive. Hotch looked casual and beautiful as ever, sat in his jeans and a navy-blue polo shirt, engrossed in his file. He went to take his seat, one over from Aaron; the older man didn’t even flinch. He propped himself up, taking refuge in the delicious smell of doughnuts and coffee that was lying on a platter in the middle of the table. The complete vacuum of noise that surrounded them, as Spencer chewed quietly on his doughnut, was eery. Hotch hadn’t even looked up yet. As a means to bring back some calm and air to his tightening lungs, Spencer cleared his throat of all pastry sweet goodness and spoke up.

“How are you, boss?”

It was a stupidly awkward thing to say, it was so impersonal and removed, and Spencer didn’t like the way the words sat in his throat once he had spoken them. This, talking, conversing with the likes of Aaron Hotchner had never been difficult. Sure, when he was a rookie agent, a bumbling nerd who’d barely made it out of college, the power dynamic between them made it increasingly difficult to speak to the man without feeling his nerves set on fire. Things had been easier, Spencer thought when they got to know one another more. That was before, of course.

Hotch tilted up his head slightly, but only to throw this cold and dismissive look to Spencer, before looking back down at his file. Spencer had to swallow down the thick tumor of saliva that had infested his oesophagus; he felt his limbs seize up at having such a venomous look being directed towards him. He didn’t give up though, perhaps Hotch was as tired as he was for having to get up at 6 am on his day off.

“Do you know when the others are getting in?”

At this, Hotch fully regarded him, slamming his file shut, but Spencer felt himself shrink upon finally getting his full attention.

“I don’t know Reid. I’m not their time-keeper!”

Spite wasn’t what Spencer had bargained for when he initiated conversation. He wanted to eat his question back up. He looked back down at his half-consumed doughnut, not feeling much of an appetite anymore. He recollected the last time they had been alone together, and how different things were. It had felt spectacular as much as terrifying to cross that intimate line with Aaron, back on the plane. Spencer was sure, that he had never felt such lust before; didn’t even know he had it in his capacity. He’d never paid much importance to sex and intimate relations; hardly had time for them. Before he hit puberty, he was thrusted into an exceedingly academic environment, where his brain was metaphorically prodded and buffed and shined into the genius scope he was when he finished high school at age 12. That was before university. He hardly had time to think about his own body, and it’s carnal uses. Sure, he developed crushes and learned about the birds and the bee’s, but no one in his growing up environment paid him that kind of attention. He was small and frettingly young, it would have been inappropriate. Then by the time he was old enough and developed, in an environment where he was no longer ridiculed for being a young prodigee, and was amongst like-minded peers, his work became the top priority. He doesn’t regret focusing on his degree’s to the extreme he did, but the fact that he encountered his first sexual partner, at the age of 23, in his place of work no less, said a lot about his development. Was Hotch even aware of his inexperience? Was that a reason as to why, all of a sudden, Hotch had switched on him? Could he tell of Spencer’s severe lack of sexual prowess when he stroked him to a full explosive orgasm back on the jet? The thought of it, made Spencer feel sick to his stomach. Of course, virginity was widely false and over-rated, but it had meant something to Spencer when Aaron touched him. What had he let Aaron take, knowing it wasn’t the same for him? He felt used, and the remnants of his doughnut making its way back up his throat only increased his nausea. No, Aaron wouldn’t treat Spencer like that, he was a gentleman and extremely pious. This was something else, it had to be.

To stuff out these negative thoughts, Spencer stuffed his mouth with the rest of his chocolate-coated pastry. He was taking a searing gulp of coffee when JJ finally walked into the room. He smiled up at her greatly, thankful for her presence at that moment. She bent down towards him and kissed his forehead like the worried mother she tended to be around Spencer. She ruffled his hair on top of that, for good measure.

“Morning Spence. Not a surprise that you’re here first!”

“Hey, I was actually late compared to Hotch!”

At the mention of his name, Reid could see the man’s shoulder raise and his ears perked. He said his greeting to JJ, dismissive, but not unfriendly in the way he greeted Spencer. Of course, Spencer had to pretend that nothing was amiss, even if saying the man’s name was increasingly harder when said man acted as if he didn’t remember his.

“Do you really think Hotch would let you beat him here, as our boss? Would reflect badly on him, wouldn’t be surprised if he was here all night…”

Spencer feigned laughter but found it hard for the stretch of his mouth to reach his eyes.

“ _he_ was here all night. And _he_ can hear you. Now enough of the chit-chat, we’ve got work to do”

Hotch re-organised his space, stacking case files neatly in front of him, and scowling like the sun would never shine again. JJ shot a comical ‘yikes’ look at Spencer, clearly in jest, and though he goaded her with the same cheeky smirk, he couldn’t keep up the pretence when she looked away. This wasn’t the usual drill-sergeant ‘no foolery’, bad mood that Hotch donned at work. This was different, and Spencer couldn’t help but feel like it was his fault.

Just then, Morgan, Emily and Gideon both all strode into the room, chuckles galore, and Spencer felt himself drown in the background. They briefed for 30 minutes on the case, before extricating to the jet. The whole time, Spencer felt invisible to Hotch’s stares, yet he couldn’t keep his own eyes away.

\--

Reid was almost pulling his, embarrassingly overgrown, hair out, wrecked with the same frustration that had shrouded its way over the whole team. It was now Sunday. He was staring at the bulletin board, trying to focus on where he went wrong. Gideon was holding the edge of the table as he put his full weight on his arms, as he stood with his head hanging low between his shoulders. Reid could hear the seethe in the man’s teeth as he spoke.

“How did we let this happen? How could the unsub get away with it again!?”

Hotch spoke up from his place staring contemplatively out the office window, at the scurrying officers in the bullpen. His fist was clenched in front of his mouth, his ears were heated red. They all were.

“We relied too much on half-certainties. Of course, he was gonna kill again.”

This was, of course, referring to the 15-year-old girl that was reported strangled to death an hour outside where they thought the unsub was lurking. The evidence all pointed to the unsub being there! _Why wasn’t he?_ Spencer rose his hand at Gideon, feeling very much like a school child caught in front of an angry schoolteacher. He hadn’t ever been in trouble at school, though.

Gideon nodded to Reid’s request to contribute. He wanted to be useful.

“Perhaps if we work on a secondary geographic profile, we can find him again”

Hotch immediately attacked him, like a viper to a mouse. Spencer couldn’t help the small whimper that collected in his throat.

“Yeah, like that helped us the first-time round. Doctor Reid!”

This was one of the rare moments of the day, that Aaron actually looked Spencer in the eye. Though he’d wished nothing more to have Aaron just _talk_ to him, look at him, _anything_ , he coward away from the sour attitude that seemed only reserved for Reid. He was trying his hardest. They all were.

Gideon, the paternal figure that he was, stepped up to Reid’s defence. He didn’t have any malice in his words though. The man just sounded tired.

“Hey, Aaron. Wasn’t his fault. We all missed something”

Aaron deflated and turned back to the window at his response. Gideon turned soft towards Spencer afterwards and rest a comforting hand on his shoulder. The light squeeze of his mentors hand brought some ease back to the anxiety curdling in Reid’s stomach, he smiled sheepishly up at him in reassurance and was glad for the kind smile that was given back to him. Morgan re-emerged from the cocoon he had buried his head in, in his arms, on the table and focused in on the board, eye’s scrutinising every detail they had and every detail they didn’t.

“Well, what did we miss?” He croaked out. “The unsub clearly knew we were coming. All evidence pointed him to being there.”

Emily stepped up to the board, picking out a detail they had over-ruled and dismissed. She pointed at victim no.3 and turned to the rest of the team.

“Not if he had a partner, someone who told him what we knew.”

Hotch turned to Emily, as diligent and professional as ever and argued her point, calmly.

“We ruled out a partner. The behaviour isn’t consistent with working in a team”

Emily shook her head, shocked that no one was yet getting the point.

“I never said anything about working in a team. The unsub kills alone, that is undisputable. But-“

Reid was grasping at what she was throwing to them, he spoke up, voicing his realisation as Emily was saying it.

“But! He could have someone helping him. Covering up for him”

Hotch looked at Spencer, as if what he was saying was stupid. That, at least, was how he felt under his glare. Emily nodded towards Spencer, inviting him, unspoken, up to the front to help stress her case.

“Right. I mean look at victim 3, her dump site was not consistent with the other 4 victims. A high-profile victim, being the mayor’s daughter, would raise suspicion and almost certainly lead to the killer. She was clearly moved, and with care and precision. Our unsub doesn’t have the capability to care for how he leaves his victims. I mean they were all found in very public places in very dehumanising circumstances. So, what makes her so different?”

Morgan chirps up at this.

“She wasn’t dumped by the killer…”

Emily let out a breath she had positively been holding for the person who would finally understand her. Morgan smiled as if a light bulb itself had lit him up from within. Hotch moved closer to the board too, right next to Spencer. Spencer tried not to feel like he was about to suffocate with the man next to him, this is the closest they had been all day, yet Hotch couldn’t have felt further away. He didn’t even seem to acknowledge he was there, even as he looked passed him to regard Emily. Spencer couldn’t understand how Hotch could be so calm around him, when his nerves were running 30 miles per hour, tingly and excruciating at the same time. He wanted to touch him so bad, grasp at the memory of how it felt to feel the man’s skin on Spencer’s own. Wasn’t Hotch in the same distress, standing this close to Spencer?

“If the killer didn’t dump her, then who did? Riga mortis says she was found less than an hour after her death…”

This is when Reid felt like he could speak up, without fear of being called out or deemed wrong. He waited on bated breath, to have the room, as he stepped a little higher.

“Yeah, but also, that little detail we also ignored, of a prank call being put out close to the area we initially pinned the unsub to be conducting the murders. What if it wasn’t a prank? What if…?”

Emily jumped in here.

“The first responder to the call! What if someone from the force got there first?”

Spencer carried on, boils rising up in his throat.

“That would mean…”

Hotch brutally cut him off, pushing passed Reid to regard Emily further. Ignorant of Reid standing right next to her. He stepped back, providing space. Space was clearly what Hotch wanted.

“The unsub has help from someone on the force. And that someone, let him know we were coming”

The entire team looked out the window, to the scurrying police force and regarded each one with scrutiny and suspicion. They all felt trapped, not knowing who to trust. It was funny because Spencer had been feeling that way all weekend. He was beginning to realise, like the team, that he had put his trust in the wrong person, and that was starting to cost him greatly. They all had to tread carefully now.

\--

The unsub claimed 4 more victims before they caught him; one of them was just a 9-year-old little girl. It was tragic how they had found her, bound and undressed and bathing in her own blood. Her panties were the only thing missing. Spencer felt sick at how the sadistic man had treated them. He was glad that, by happenstance, he was the one in the right place at the right time. It felt good when Spencer wrenched the bastard’s hands behind his back and cuffed him tightly making sure he felt it; felt even better that those hands would not touch another innocent little girl, ever. Though, being locked up was not enough to keep that man’s scum off the planet, the families would forever suffer because of what he did. When Spencer dragged the unsub back to the rest of the team, ready to be detained, and shoved him in the back of the sheriff’s car, he wanted to be elsewhere. He had the blood from the last victim smeared on his clothes from handling the unsub so closely. He couldn’t help but feel that having a little girls blood all over him was not supposed to happen, it wasn’t natural, it wasn’t fair. Sometimes he didn’t know why he still did this job. He looked as they drove the killer away, hollow and still. It had really been a horrible 4 days. The team could sense his distress. Morgan came up to him once the killer was taken away, and clamped his hand tightly, but all the gentler, on Spencer’s shoulder. He didn’t say a word, not a single sound, his eyes spoke everything Spencer needed to hear. That it was gonna be okay and that he wasn’t alone. Emily came up to hug him, JJ too. Gideon told him he was proud of him, never failing to be the father Spencer wished he’d grown up with. Garcia even called his cell, as if knowing on some grandiose spiritual level that he needed to hear her delicate, cotton-soaked voice. He’d admit he felt better after she spoke of lullaby’s and whimsy. One could almost say his mood was 35% improved by the time Hotch made his way over to him. The man stood rigidly, closed off, as if he was about to talk to a complete stranger. He cleared his throat, hand’s buried deeply in his pockets, protected. Spencer could feel that percentage going down.

“Are you good?”

Anyone else would’ve taken Aaron’s concern as sincerity, but Spencer wasn’t anyone else. He was him and there hadn’t been a worse moment where Spencer felt like running the last couple of days, than when Hotch stood in front of him just then, pretending to care. Spencer answered anyway, extending the olive branch he had been holding the last couple of days, fearful that the weight would concave if he had to carry it any longer.

“I um, I’m good, but-“

“-Good”

Hotch walked away, as if fired from the barrel of a gun, and left Spencer standing there, taking the impact, as he struggled to breathe. It felt like the world was being sucked out from underneath him and he was descending into a cavern of darkness, where there was no light, no sign of life. Spencer had always had issues growing up, it was a shock he wasn’t medicated for most of them. For instance, he couldn’t stand the thought of shaking hands with a stranger, weary of the germs that lurked beneath the scope our eyes could see; he never wore the same set of socks, believing it was unlucky- in fact, his draw didn’t have two of the same together and he never slept without a light on. A doctor would diagnose mild OCD and given how the majority of American’s were numbed and medicated, he was surprised he had never been given so much as a pill. Before this moment, however, standing out in the open, at least 15 feet from the closest person, he had never felt more claustrophobic. Spencer wanted, more than he could physically comprehend, to be elsewhere. Where no one could find him. For now, he would have to settle for a quiet car ride back to the Police station, to file reports, with Morgan. He felt the olive branch snap as they descended down the highway, descending into the raging flow of a river of the girls blood that still lingered in Spencer’s clothes. He felt sick that he could feel it permeating through his senses, settling on the tiny hairs in his nostrils. He needed a shower to wash it all off him, he needed to wash Aaron Hotchner from his skin. 

\--

3 hours later, when the team, all jaded and morose, arrived back at Quantico, they all idled about like zombies in a badly written horror movie. Even Hotch felt off his game, his usual formal demeanour was ruffled, worn down. He had taken his tie off hours ago. He tasked the team with only writing out their reports tonight, he’d corroborate and file them himself later when everyone left. Right now, he was sat in his office, ruminating over the case they had been on and how emotionally draining it was. He needed an outlet for all the horrors and turmoil he had been keeping bottled inside, he no longer had the capacity to compartmentalize. When he knocked on his trusted friends office door, it felt like air when he strode in, uninvited as Hotch was sure the teams mentor was expecting him. He goaded Aaron inside with a warm and sincere smile. They sat down on the sofa’s where they were perfectly positioned to look over at the training field where the forest lay calmly beyond. The early sun could be seen dusting over the horizon and Gideon handed Hotch a cup of camomile. The rest of the team were falling half asleep on their desks, buried in their reports. Hotch could see them and was sure it wasn’t a coincidence that you could also see the 3 desks of the team with clear view, from the chair’s. His gaze fell upon a particular mop of curly hair as Aaron sipped his tea. Gideon sat down abruptly, pulling Aaron’s attention back to reality.

“You looked like you haven’t slept in days”

It wasn’t a criticism, Aaron could hear how concerned Jason was in his observation, he wanted to help; it was true, the couch was not made for permanent slumber. Aaron chucked at the irony.

“Actually, the hotel bed was the most comfortable I’d been in a while”

Gideon hummed in deliberation. He seemed to know exactly what he’d say next. The question was cleverly placed on his tongue.

“Trouble at home?”

It wasn’t accusatory or judgmental, Gideon would wait for Aaron to come to him. That was what was always refreshing about seeking out the wisdom of the man; he never forced, and he never put words in your mouth, most of the time he didn’t say a damned thing.

“Haley has been making me sleep on the couch”

“Hmm. Have you guys spoken about whatever it is that’s bothering the two of you?”

Aaron burned himself on his lips, taking a gulp too hastily. He set his drink aside and felt something lift in his soul, he hadn’t let anyone into his marital problems, desperate to cling to the image of a gracious family man that could in fact balance a busy career with being the perfect husband and dad. That too, slipped away, as he spoke.

“It feels like we’ve spoken about it a thousand times. Its like we’re saying less each and every time we do though. I wouldn’t even call it talking anymore.”

Aaron almost felt shamed in admitting what he had been keeping to himself for weeks, though he surmised, there were far more shameful things he could admit. He watched as Gideon, the man who had failed his marriage for the very same ambitious career-driven reasons Aaron was presenting to him today, thought over exactly what advice he wished he had been given in his time of need.

“You know, sometimes it’s just easier to admit you’re unhappy, than to keep pretending like you want to fix things”

That is certainly not what Aaron wanted to hear. He felt sick at the idea of breaking up his family.

“What about Jack?”

“He’s still young, if you get out now, he won’t remember you and Haley having fights’’

Aaron could not believe what he was hearing, he wanted to throw something. It felt like the walls were closing in on him.

‘’You’re telling me to quit Jason?’’

Gideon held up his hand as if telling Aaron, he was not threat, it was like seeing a man console a rabid dog, the way Jason was handling him.

‘’Not quit, just… It’s untold what growing up with parents who hate each other can do to a child. We see it every day’’

Aaron sulked backwards, folding his arms. He felt like a berated child.

‘’Haley and I don’t hate each other’’

‘’Not yet. Not now.’’

Aaron didn’t know what to say to that. He couldn’t imagine hating his wife, ever, but some days he could tell that Haley didn’t even like him. He ran his hands over his face, as if he could somehow wash away the stress and frustration that he feared had settled over his marriage long ago.

‘’Well, what should I do? I don’t want to lose her. Or jack’’

‘’You could lose both if you keep going on being this unhappy. Haley, too. If there’s one thing me and Stephen’s mom wished we knew back then, it’s that sometimes it’s better to stop fighting”

Aaron felt helpless as he spoke from behind his hands.

“What if I don’t want to stop fighting?”

Gideon took long with voicing his reply, he rested his face at the point of his index finger’s as he leant forward on his knee, thoughtful.

“Well, what do you want, Aaron?”

Before Aaron could even think of what that question meant, let alone how he wanted to answer it, a knock came at the door. Gideon hadn’t even taken a breath to grant passage to whoever the intruder was when Spencer wandered into the room. The old man wasn’t fazed by this though, he had always had an open-door policy. Aaron however, felt like suddenly he couldn’t breathe. The young boy’s arrival was strangely prevalent. The said genius seemed to stop in his tracks when he saw Aaron sitting there. It was laughable, in the way that really wasn’t funny, how the young man physically gulped when they caught eye’s. It was only brief, but Spencer looked like a thousand knives had been sliced through his abdomen when he looked away, and regarded the man whose office they were all in. Maybe Aaron had purposefully thrown them.

“Uh. Gideon, I have a-um, a report for you to sign off on before I go…”

Gideon reached out for it, despite the perplexed look on his face.

“Why didn’t you go to Hotch?”

The man asked even as he signed the file, he clearly had no malice for being donned with the task. It was just curiosity. The team did only usually go to him to sign reports when Hotch was out of the office, which knowing the man, was hardly ever. Spencer did a quick-fire glance in Hotch’s direction, not meeting his eye, as if he knew Hotch would smell the lie about to come off his lips from a mile away. There was a piece of hair unkempt and sticking out from behind his ear. Aaron watched as Spencer tucked it back.

“He wasn’t in his office. Thought he might have gone home”

Aaron and Spencer both knew that he didn’t even try to look. The tension surrounding the two feet between them was tangible; Gideon thought nothing of his reply though.

“Well as you can see, he was here the whole time. Sorry I stole him from you”

Spencer feigned laughter at Gideon’s poor attempt at a joke. He played along, however.

“Not sure he was ever mine to steal, sir”

Gideon nodded as if he understood the depth of what Spencer had said. Aaron felt himself drown in it. Spencer turned to walk away just as quickly as he walked in. Gideon called out before he was fully out the door.

“Have a good night Spencer”

Spencer turned around to smile at Gideon, small. Aaron hated to think that that was the first smile he saw from the boy in days, was even sorry for it. Still, he wasn’t prepared to do anything about it.

“You, too. Goodnight, sir’’

When Gideon smiled and motioned for Aaron, Spencer turned to him slightly, and looked Aaron in the eye for the first time in days. He left without another word. Aaron felt like Spencer had taken the air with him. When he turned back to Gideon, he could see a look of despondence, and wholly scary and unanswerable questions poised on the man’s tongue. Aaron didn’t like the look of any of them.

“Is everything between you two, alright?”

He had talked and figuratively cried over his slowly failing marriage to the man for the past half hour, opened up willingly about things he wouldn’t admit to another soul to the man in the years since he knew him. But when questions came to one Doctor Spencer Reid, Aaron was as silent and caged as many of the same men who they interrogated and undermined, men who clearly had secrets. Aaron didn’t know what to do in the face of being confronted about it. All he could do was lie, which made him no better than the men they hunted; or that’s how he felt.

“Everything’s fine”

Aaron stood up and left the office without another word, too ashamed of the idea of Gideon being able to unpack everything to do with him and Spencer, if he had stayed under the man’s profiler scrutiny a moment longer.

He got home around 4 in the morning and was only welcomed by the silent dark of the house and the blanket left for him on the couch. He didn’t bother changing before he fell off the cliff into dreamland.

Spencer had done a lot of thinking over the weekend. That wasn’t new for him, as his certifiable genius mind was always on the clock. Working out an equation or finding a logical solution to something came as naturally as breathing to him. When it came to deciphering his own emotions though, he was an amateur. Surprising, given he did so to other people for a living. Over his time home, he had done a lot of thinking; about Aaron Hotchner. He came to several conclusions, some at the same time and some conflicted with each other. One thing was for certain, he came out of his mental journey no more educated on what the hell was going on between them or what wasn’t going on, than when he started. The frustration of not having all the answers right away didn’t set right with Spencer. He decided it wasn’t a fair trial if he didn’t get the perspective on other candidates. He thought it’d be better to prove his hypothesis if he simply asked Hotch the questions that had plagued him all the weekend.

When he walked into work Monday morning, Spencer was ready and waiting to leap into action. It’s strange that he only felt this kind of adrenaline when he was aiming his gun at an unsub. Spencer was certain he was ready to fire, though, ready to lay all his cards on the line. He haphazardly dropped his bag on his desk as he made his way passed it, uncaring of where it would land. He warped passed the bullpen and danced his way up the stairs to the office’s, tired of manner’s and etiquette when he walked into Hotch’s office without knocking. He threw caution to the wind and walked through this newfound confidence, not bothering to notice the other person in the room sitting across from Aaron at his desk. It was a mop of short blonde hair and for a moment Spencer was terrified over who it could’ve been. Funnily enough, he relaxed when it was Strauss who turned back to regard him.

“Doctor Reid! We’re in the middle of a meeting”

She reprimanded him, not leaving room for him to cower away. She stood up and walked over to him. She did not seem pleased in the slightest. Judging by the tight-lipped look on Hotch’s face, Spencer could guess why. Strauss was not an easy woman. She regarded him with unease.

‘’Never you mind, we were just about done. Next time you feel like bursting into your superior’s room, Doctor Reid, why don’t you think about knocking?’’

He refused eye contact with the foul woman when she was standing this close to him. Spencer felt like she could reach into his chest at any moment and pull his beating heart from the cavity. She was not an easy woman to like. He nodded as he spoke quietly.

“Yes, ma’am”

She affirmed his courteous and dutiful answer and left the office swiftly. It was amazing how that woman could leave without a presence and yet could make the room feel like she was still there, lurking. Spencer mused that it probably wasn’t an easy path to get to where she did; he may have been scared of her, but Reid respected that woman severely. When Spencer turned to look at his boss, he goaded himself that it was time to face up to even scarier things. He stepped forward into the room further and stood over Hotch at his desk. Hotch would not look at him, even this close, it was as if he wasn’t aware Spencer was there, though that was the beauty of compartmentalization. Reid stood there for what felt like all the time and no time at all, it was like the couple was sucked into a vortex by their own denial and ignorance. Even as Spencer dropped himself into a chair with a loud plod and put himself at eye level with Aaron, Aaron still paid him no mind. Spencer was sick of pretending.

“Are you even gonna look at me?”

At this, Aaron sighed deeply, as if inconvenienced by an annoying child. He dropped his pen and, _finally,_ looked up at Reid.

“What do you need Doctor Reid?”

Spencer could almost laugh at the improper name. He sat up higher.

“You know you stopped calling me Doctor Reid my third day working here, so please stop with the pretence”

Aaron folded his hands together and said nothing. He waited for Spencer to say what he came here to say. Suddenly, Spencer forgot any and everything he had spent hours this morning rehearsing in front of the mirror, on the train, even waiting in the elevator on the way up to the office. Right now, the words wouldn’t come to him. He looked deep into Aaron’s eyes, the furthest he had looked at the man in almost two weeks and saw remnants of turmoil left from whatever Strauss was here to discuss with him. He felt himself soften a little bit, lost some of his anger and looked away from that angel-like stare that could rip every cognitive understanding from him. It was like going mad when falling for Aaron Hotchner.

“I wanted to know why you’ve been off with me the last couple weeks. Since the case in Oregon. I need to hear you say it”

For a moment it looked like Aaron would open up and tell him the truth for once; the truth, that’s all Spencer wanted. He depended on Aaron telling him what they were to each other and what it meant, he felt like he could crumble without it. However, as Hotch leant back in his chair, Spencer could see the doors closing and once again Aaron Hotchner was stuck in whatever broom closet, he buried any and all feelings for Spencer Reid in. It wasn’t even convincing, the way he told his next lie.

“I haven’t been off with you”

Spencer left no room for Aaron to toy with him. He was sick of playing games.

“Bullshit!”

Aaron was just as shocked as Reid was at the expletive. Reid wasn’t one to curse or swear at anyone, especially his boss. His mother had raised him to be polite, no matter what the other guy was throwing at you. There was a certain level to which one could take being made a fool of, though. Aaron could see this, he swallowed a pool of thickening denial and scorn, feeling like he could burst at the seams. He felt like his body was pulling him in a thousand directions when Spencer was around, and it was getting damned confusing. He couldn’t help his frustrations coming out the next moment, the way they did. He was unusually unkind in his tone.

“…. Okay fine. Maybe I’m sick of you following me round like a lost schoolgirl. Some of us have jobs to do, and frankly, right now, mine isn’t to sit here caring about whatever feelings you have. I’m your boss Reid, not your counsellor”

As a spectator, Spencer would probably find it funny the way his jaw dropped in shock at Hotch’s cruel and hurtful words. However, as he sat there in aim of Hotch’s viciousness, Spencer felt like running again. He felt more than just an olive branch snap this time. Though Aaron was sure he had said enough, he couldn’t stop the slew of worse things to say and he sat up higher than the, now, cowering Spencer Reid. What he said next, though was tumbling down into dangerous territory.

“You know I have a wife and son, who I love, I can’t… I mean I don’t have time for your little crush”

Aaron knew it wasn’t fair to say, but he still he found himself saying the unthinkable. Aaron couldn’t recall a time where he was so harsh and insensitive towards someone; he felt sick at even entertaining the thought, but he felt a little bit like his father in that moment.

“You know maybe if you found someone-“

Aaron could almost miss the single tear that fell from Spencer’s eye in that moment, he choked up the second he spotted it, though. Hated that he was the one to put it there, Aaron was nothing if not a complicated man however, he let none of this guilt show. Spencer clenched his jaw as he spit his reply.

“That’s not fair”

Aaron closed his mouth on the sentence he was about to say and took in how crushed Spencer looked, sitting in that chair, desperately clinging to whatever dignity he had left, as he fought off the tears that were lingering at the corners of his eyes. Aaron wished he didn’t see them. His gut churned and his chest banged as he got up and walked past Spencer to the door. He stood in the doorway and felt himself descend into the deepest void of hatred he ever remembered feeling for himself. He didn’t even have the decency to turn back to the 23-year-old when he spoke his final proclamation.

“Maybe you should take a few days away from work.’’

It wasn’t a request and it certainly wasn’t a question. Spencer knew what Aaron meant when he gave the suggestion. _Maybe you should take a few days away from me._ Aaron wasn’t completely sure he wanted Spencer to go away, but he felt it was the best thing for both of them. They needed space. He tried to keep up the façade of that train of thought, even as he heard Spencer’s small whimper from the crest of his office chair. He stepped away to get a coffee from the Kitchenette, walking passed Spencer’s desk. All Aaron knew, was that when he walked back, Spencer’s bag was gone, and the man was nowhere to be seen. Aaron’s heart caved in when he realised what he had done. What he didn’t realise was that Gideon had been standing outside his office the whole time Spencer was in there. Still the two senior BAU men spent the next 4 days, until Spencer’s return, as if nothing was amiss. That was the thing about secrets, they never stay hidden for long. Especially amongst a group of people whose livelihood was revealing them.

Spencer had spent his short sabbatical in Vegas, visiting his mother. He spent his time there, solemn and quiet as he refused further thoughts about himself and about the mess it felt like his life had become and focused entirely on his mother. It was nice, getting away from his mind and catching up with her. It was as he was carrying their lunch over to their table on his last day visiting, when Diane’s doctor pulled him aside.

“You know this is the most I’ve seen your mother smile in the 6 years she’s been a resident here. It was good of you to come, Doctor Reid”

Spencer looked over at his mother and basked in joy at seeing his mother shine brighter than he could ever remember seeing her. He was glad he came too.

“Thank you- I mean you’re welcome”

The man patted him on his back and Spencer made his way over to her. They sat, talking and eating and being a family, until the sun itself went for its daily slumber. Spencer kissed and hugged his mother goodbye that night, wishing ever more that he could just stay with her. She always refused against the idea of it though, she didn’t want her Doctors getting their hands, on Spencer’s wonderful and powerful mind. Even joked on more than one occasion about scratching their eye’s out if they ever entertained the idea. It constantly reminded Spencer, that his mother was the only one that would always be there for him, the only person he could count on, even in her condition.

When Spencer arrived back home, back to his life, back to work, he knew, that despite the nice escape he found with his mother, it was time to get back to his mind. He walked into work the next day and vowed to keep his personal life separate from his professional one, lest he get sucked back into an unsavoury “non-relationship” with someone wholly inappropriate.

That was 2 weeks ago and every moment since had been more painful for Spencer than the last. He thought it would be easier to forget and ignore his anguish and feelings if he buried himself in work. Thankfully, or lack thereof, having the object of said anguish in his peripheral, serving as his unit chief, no less, made such a task near impossible. Given the prolonged stiff treatment of his boss, it didn’t seem like the man was having the same problem. Anyone who didn’t know them would probably say that Hotch disliked Reid, but anyone that did know them would be able to tell that something was wrong with the two of them. If it wasn’t Hotch’s blatant ignorance of the other man, it was Reid disobeying orders, or being snarky. Most of the time they just ignored each other, but even in that it was obvious some part of the team was out of sync, and it showed on cases. Gideon bided his time before he brought up what he had heard them talking about in the office before Spencer’s surprise vacation. He wanted to see how they would resolve it themselves, first.

On a particularly stressful and hard case, tension’s got high. There were no disgruntled exchanges of words or even any arguments, Hotch and Reid were being too passive aggressive for that. It was just an insurmountable tension that even Morgan was having a difficult time ignoring or brushing under the rug with a ruse to lighten the mood. He was the one, in fact, that suggested the team destress and unwind at the bar, once they had wrapped up the case, which was thankfully in DC. This is how they all found themselves drinking and having a night off at an FBI popular bar downtown. Except for Gideon, he had a private art-show to get to. It wasn’t long that the team was down a man, however, as Hotch called Haley out to join them. Spencer tried not to feel put down by this, Haley was not the one he was mad at. If only she knew, he thought, he’s positive she’d be the one mad at him. Still, it brought him great pain to see Aaron and Haley hang over each other, and laugh with each other, and be with each other all night. After a while, Morgan’s attempts at getting him to dance were futile, so Spencer found himself sitting away from the team, talking to a random young group of friends about Science Fiction, Pop culture, and having them quiz his “supposed” eidetic memory. He was almost having a good time, drinking his wine and discussing intellectual topics with people his own age, when he caught sight of Hotch dragging Haley up to the dancefloor and sweeping her off her feet. She laughed with a loud shrill as if she was a love-sick schoolgirl. Spencer felt like his drink was making its way back up his throat. He excused himself from the table and rushed to the bar to get another drink to wash the feeling back down. It was loud and hot and too crowded at the bar, it felt like forever before he was being served. The girl had a tired and soulless look in her eye that told Reid she had done this exact night a thousand times too many, he felt peculiarly familiar with that feeling. When he was finally given his drink, he found solitude in the tumbler glass as he stared at the swirl of caramel and brass. He clinked the ice around until they all melted. He doesn’t know how long he was standing there, watching his drink instead of drinking it. But Spencer was too engrossed in himself to realise that his friend from the table- the quick acquaintance he befriended only tonight- made his way up behind him and smoothed his hand on his back. He was entirely forthcoming, but all the same, kind when he asked.

“Hey computer man, wanna get outta that head of yours and come dance with me?”

Spencer wasn’t sure if it was a come on, or if the man was being entirely innocent and platonic with him, but strangely, Spencer found himself saying yes, and then he was being dragged, by the hand to the dancefloor. On the way there, Spencer conjured up the thousand ways girls who had been roped into the same situation, found themselves dead the next morning. When the two young men got to the dancefloor, however, Spencer could think of nothing more than the excruciating fact that he couldn’t dance. He stood, painstakingly still as- _Jake_ he thought his name was- shimmied and did the one-two step in front of him. It’s ironic how out of place Spencer felt amongst all the other fluid-limbed clubbers around him. When Jake leaned towards him and asked what was wrong, Spencer felt himself shrink as he told him he couldn’t dance. He was expecting to be made a joke and heralded as an idiot when Jake, quite suddenly, put his hands on Spencer’s hips, and started to move the both of them in a swaying motion. It was at this moment that Spencer realised how close Jake was standing to him and then concluded that this was definitely _not_ platonic. Though Spencer was not used to being the one someone wanted, he found that he didn’t care about his lack of experience, and threw caution to the wind as he started, stiffly, moving of his own accord. When Jake laughed, it was not out of spite, he was genuinely taken with how dorky Spencer was, and Spencer beamed at the euphoric feeling of being _wanted._ He jiggled and wiggled and _twerked_ \- not that he knew what that was- and grinded with Jake until his legs felt like jelly. He was having such a good time and enjoyed being out of his head for once that he failed to notice that, not two feet away, standing on the other side of a couple, Hotch was dancing with Haley.

Well, Haley was dancing, and Hotch had been too, until he saw out of the corner of his eye, another guy put his hands on Spencer’s hips. He stood in front of Haley, who was blissfully unaware of his lack of movement, and felt himself being toppled and crushed by an onslaught of nausea and resentment, as he watched Spencer and _that guy_ dance so flirtatiously with each other. He wanted nothing more than to erase the image of the two of them from his memory, felt the very essence of it scorn and burn behind his eyelids. His chest felt constricted and his airways felt like they were burning up when he saw whoever the guy was, step closer to Spencer, until there was barely a hair’s length between them. He couldn’t find the words to describe was he was feeling, but he knew that he had to stop whatever was happening or about to happen between Spencer and the – Hotch tried not to use the word _unsub_ in his track of thought, the guy was not that kind of threat to Hotch. _Threat?_ Aaron thought, he almost puked. How could that guy be a threat? A threat to what? Aaron didn’t like where his own internal monologue questions were leading him, he also didn’t like zeroing back on what had caused the inner agony. He would give anything, pay any price, to stop the scene that was playing out before him. He almost leapt to action when _the guy_ started to lean in, could feel his existence being sucked into oblivion as he saw Spencer grasp onto the guys shoulder and let him lean in. Thankfully, as if some pious immortal god had heard Hotch’s cries, JJ caught Spencer by the shoulder and indoctrinated him with a serious “we have a problem” look. Hotch knew that look, had trained it into her. His fears were confirmed when she walked over to him and leaned in close to word’s he was never glad to hear but had never been more grateful to in that ounce of time.

“There’s been a murder”

Hotch nodded once and felt the security of his position take over.

“Let’s go”

He called a cab for Haley whilst JJ beckoned the rest of the team, and before they knew it, they were all in a car back to Quantico and bars, and mysterious boys, and mysterious boys putting hands on Spencer’s hips, and mysterious boys leaning in, to kiss Spencer’s lips, were far behind them. Hotch knew there was a reason they never went out.

The team were on their way to Atlanta, Georgia. It was late and everyone was coming down from the alcohol consumption of the evening. There was a taut atmosphere festering in the cabin as the team awaited Garcia to come back with an update. It feels like they just came off a case, and yet they were back on it. Morgan was asleep in his chair over in the corner, JJ was sipping her coffee on the sofa as she looked over the harrowing details of the case file, yet again. Gideon was staring contemplatively out the window, no doubt wondering why evil got no sleep, why it always managed to find a way to pull you back in with its clawing teeth and sharp talons. The man looked tired, like he saw no way out of a world with such wickedness. Spencer was sat at a table, trying to wash all away the woes of life with slumber. It did not come. He was still stuck at the bar, surrounded by sweaty bodies and pulsing music. He was dancing with Jake, smiling and feeling the freest he had in his entire life, like a flightless bird soaring the open skies for the first time. It was nice to be distracted from his unrequited tragedy for one night, even if he was ripped away from it too soon. He remembers Jake handing him a napkin with his phone number on it before he slipped away with the rest of the team. He twiddled said napkin in his hands then, unceremoniously, as if he wasn’t aware of its place crested in his hands. He debated whether he would call or not. Maybe when he got back to DC he’d dial the number and they’d start seeing each other, or maybe the guy would already forget his face by the morning. Either way, Spencer enjoyed the sur-reality of the intangible feeling of having the option to call a guy back or not. The joy must’ve made itself present on his mouth, as after sitting there oogling for god knows how long, JJ caught wind of his glow and set her file aside, moving to perch herself right next to Spencer, eyebrows waggling. She had been the one to interrupt his dance with Jake. She bumped his shoulder softly, giggling as if their eyes were dancing the meaning of what she wanted to say. He flushed and pouted away, coy and bashful.

“What?”

He didn’t mean to squeal, his voice got unusually high when he got nervous; it was something he was bullied for in his years at school. He was glad those days were over. JJ shined her pearly whites further into Spencer’s retina’s as she waggled her brows more. She would not let Spencer come easily.

“What do you mean, what? You wanna tell me why you’ve been so lit up, as you hold that guys phone number?”

JJ gestured to the napkin, still tightly nested in his lap. Reid tucked it away, like he’d been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. He feigned ignorance.

‘’I don’t know what you’re talking about, that’s just my handkerchief”

The shake of JJ’s head, slowly from side to side, screamed her utter disbelief. She looked poised to attack. Figuratively.

‘’Oh, really?”

“Yeah…”

Spencer lifted his entire upper body in defiance. He felt boyish. He’d never known what it was to have a younger sister, but he hoped it would have been like this. When JJ jumped into action, tackling Spencer as she scurried for the incriminating evidence, Spencer suddenly took back his wish. They giggled and laughed and punched the air out of each other’s lungs. It was like they were playing jungle gym on each other’s limbs. This was definitely what sibling rivalry was like. When JJ, queen victorious, arose from the battlefield, displaying her reward of triumph, Spencer fell-lax against his seat. He rose the figurative white flag as JJ boasted her winnings.

“Then what’s this Doctor Spencer Reid?”

She took Spencer’s white flag of surrender and waved it back in his face, black ink numerals blending and morphing together in his vision as she did so. He would never live this down. It didn’t feel like losing, he wanted to talk about what he was feeling so desperately. He knew JJ was the right one to pick his brain. Spencer looked at the napkin as JJ set it on the table, he laid his head next to it, as if he could scrutinize it’s meaning from the universe by staring it down infinitesimally.

“So, what’s his name?”

Spencer internally groaned before he gave up his secrets.

“I think it was Jake’’

‘’You think?! Wow, Spencer you dawg! Looks like Morgan rubbed off on you’’

‘’It was too loud to hear anything in that bar.’’

‘’You know all I’m hearing right now is excuses’’

Spencer sulked and puckered out his top lip in defiance. Maybe JJ was the older sister.

“It’s not an excuse’’

He grumbled it, it was barely coherent. JJ poked his cheek to release him from the brood.

‘’Okay, pouty face.’’

He shied away from her incessant prodding and sat up, stepping back into his adult skin flawlessly. JJ studied his face as he moved his hair out of his eyes. She smiled sincerely. For the first time since she sat with him, she stepped carefully around what she wanted to say.

‘’I didn’t know you were…’’

She trailed off her sentence, not wanting to make assumptions. Spencer caught the assumption sizzling on her tongue anyway. All red-fire alerts rung in Spencer’s ear as he rushed to quench the thirst of the raging flames of all the implications of what she didn’t say.

‘’I’m not’’

She looked at him, kind and patiently, but like she knew he was bullshitting her. He slumped his shoulders forward, training his eyes down to his chest, which was now hammering against his diaphragm like a drill. He relented part of his soul with his next admission.

‘’Well, I don’t know, really. I never really thought about it before…’’

He had to catch himself on his tongue, clamping down hard so the words _before Hotch_ couldn’t escape his treacherous cavern of language. Luckily, none of this was foreboding in how Spencer settled himself. JJ struck her hand onto his shoulder, squeezing out his fears and worries as if juicing a lemon; there was something sour settled onto his tongue. He couldn’t put his hands on what, though.

‘’Listen, Spence. You don’t have to have it all figured out, all the time. So, you danced with one guy? It doesn’t have to mean the world.’’

Spencer smiled melancholic as he half agreed with her. After all, it wasn’t just one guy at a bar. As trusted as JJ was with bringing them a case, or smashing men with too much macho at darts, JJ was just as sure to know when to lighten the mood. She was very good at reading the room. She was more of a profiler than she thought.

“Still, it’s good you’re having you gay awakening now. While all the guys are still young and hot. Jake was certainly a looker”

‘’Yeah, he was pretty cute’’

Spencer still had remnants of liquid courage in his system. He didn’t mean to let that one slip, he swears it. Still, the resulting burst of ‘giggling fan girl’ JJ exalted in the proceeding moments was enough to make all the lights in Spencer’s head beam away all the darkness and insecurities. One thing was still niggling at the back of his head, though. Jake definitely wasn’t the cause of his gay awakening. He hated that on some level, he was lying to JJ. He made her feel like the herald to his gay-crisis, the woman that would vice him through it, when in reality, he was still holding her at bay from the truth of it. He tried not to dwell as she looked at him like she was the proudest mother in the world. In the next moment, the very truth he was trying to conceal, stood up from the chair, directly behind Spencer’s and pricked both of them from their bubble like a rose thorn. Hotch stood towering as he stole a few glances at Spencer; something in his expression was a far cry from the set scowl that Hotch had only reserved for Spencer the last few weeks, he just looked rather sad. He regarded JJ and spoke with a finality and underlying grief that only Spencer could pick up on. He knew what that sour taste in his mouth had been and he felt sick with it. Hotch had heard everything.

‘’Garcia has an update for us’’

Without being told, the entire team rose from their solitude and conversed in a huddle, ready to discuss and brief on the case. Spencer tried not to think about how Hotch had sat next to him, after refusing any and all contact for the last few weeks. It was still bitterly cold and closed off as they sat in each other’s presence, but Spencer was glad to be this close again. For some reason however, he equated this feeling to being the calm before the storm.

\--

Hotch can’t remember the last time he had felt happy. As he stood, staring at the map of Georgia, he thought to himself that that was definitely a lie. The last time he had felt Happy was with Spencer, but it caused such turmoil and confusion to even think it that he wanted to desperately to bulldoze those feelings away and sew back what he had with his wife. The case they were on was hard, and sickening. Hotch especially hated it when unsub’s perverted god and religion to justify murder, but for some reason Hotch was having an even harder time. Perhaps it was the fact that he had barely had a few hours to recuperate from the last case before he was called on this one; perhaps it was the brutality of the kills being posted online for countless viewership’s and something that was inhumane and depraved was being misconstrued as entertainment. Perhaps, it had everything to do with the fact that not 10 hours ago, Hotch had watched torturously as Spencer danced with someone else. Another man. Hotch tasted bile at the last option, which is why he found himself burying every negative and unpleasant feeling in the patches and gridlines of this map of Georgia, in the middle of the police station, when he should’ve been doing something, _anything,_ to catch this week’s son of a bitch. He couldn’t bring himself to move, though. He thought if he did, everything he was feeling would come crashing down. The wall was chipping away. He stared and tore apart that god forsaken map for so long, that he could see the strings and cells unravelling and ripping apart, revealing nothing but a blank wall. It felt oddly pertinent.

Soon, Hotch would have to exchange his moment of fortitude and inner privacy for menacing calculations and tasks of a job he sometimes wished he could have the power to give up. For now, though, he submerged himself in the loneliness he felt and the desire he so desperately tried to ignore. He would get back to himself soon enough.

\--

Reid and JJ were in the office, having a working lunch and waiting back on Hotch. JJ was standing, pacing around, unable to stay still as time ran out for them to find the woman this so called ‘Raphael’ deemed as a Jezebel. Meanwhile, Reid, nervous as he was, munched away on his rice crispy treat. His mom always packed them into his school lunch and never failed to make him feel safe, somehow. His was chomping away on a mouthful when Hotch walked into the room. He almost spit out what was in his mouth. Hotch, of course, ignored him. Spencer sat up straighter, waiting to hear his commands. The man walked straight up to the board, sizing up JJ.

“What do we have?”

JJ sounded at a loss when she gave the news to Hotch.

“So, Franks is right, none of the open knife cases fit.”

Reid sat looking up at the backs of two people he most deeply respected whilst they played adult, and Reid played loner. He continued to quietly munch on his snack bar.

“Tell me there’s a ‘but’.’’

JJ looked pleased with herself as she delivered the next news.

“Well, I looked at it a different way. I looked for unsolved home invasions. 3 months ago, there was a prowler called in directly outside of the Kyles’ house.’’

This surprised Spencer.

“A prowler?”

Spencer chimed in. JJ read off the report in her hands, regarding both Hotch and Spencer.

‘’The witness was walking his dog in a nearby park. Going back to his car, he saw a man in dark clothing go over the back wall and start sneaking up the house. By the time the state police got there, prowler was gone”

Spencer felt as confused to how this linked to their case as Hotch looked, there was a brief moment where Hotch turned his eye to him. They felt empty.

“Only one man?”

JJ shrugged. At a loss.

“Apparently”

Spencer stood up at this precise moment, accidentally knocking shoulders with Hotch. If JJ noticed the man move away from Spencer, she did not comment on it. Spencer felt put out, though.

“Was the witness able to describe him?”

JJ consulted back with her report, knowing she’d find nothing. She sounded resolute.

‘’If he did, it’s not in this case file’’

‘’Is there a name and address for the witness?”

Reid hated the way he could feel Hotch’s deep baritone voice rumble from next to him as he spoke. Hated even more that it reverberated into the caverns of his bones. He hoped that no one in the room had noticed how he’s nerves were set on fire, swarming through his arteries like blood clots on speed.

“Tobias Hankle. Lives about an hour from here”

Hotch’s pinched brow, scrunched even further, lacking faith in his voice as he spoke.

‘’It’s a long shot, but he might be able to give us a description. Why don’t you go out there , JJ, and see if you can find Mr Hankle and see if he remembers something”

JJ quickly hummed her affirmation and left the room to confer with the station to get a car out. Spencer sat back down as Hotch turned to the board and went back to existing as if Spencer wasn’t right there, snacking, surreptitiously on a rice crispy bar. Spencer wanted to somehow break the tension.

‘’You know maybe I should go with JJ, give her a hand’’

Hotch was blunt in his reply.

‘’She’ll be fine’’

Spencer swivelled around in his chair, feeling furtive.

‘’Yeah I know. But I don’t want to wait around here waiting for her to get back on a ‘maybe’. I don’t appreciate being kept in the corner, like I couldn’t be of help’’

Hotch snapped around, pinning Spencer down into his chair with a look of total clandestine.

‘’Well, if you’re finding the way I run things to be a problem, then maybe you don’t belong on this team’’

Spencer held up his hands in defence. He could not believe Hotch just said that to him. This, whatever war was raging between them, Spencer had had enough of it. He discarded his half eaten bar, feeling like it’s magical powers of making Spencer feel secure were made obsolete.

‘’Woah. You know that is not what I meant”

Hotch turned away from him, effectively putting an end to this exchange, in his mind. Spencer wouldn’t let him get away that easily. He stood up and pulled the man back, harshly by the shoulder, to look at him. Hotch slapped his hand away and refused to look at him.

‘’Hotch, what the hell has gotten into you? I’m sick of stepping on eggshells around you and you treating me like some corner-street trash.’’

Spencer tried to keep his voice down, as he wasn’t kin to letting the surrounding police force hear about his personal life. He was sure Hotch wasn’t privy to such a notion, either.

‘’I don’t know what you’re-‘’

Spencer felt like pulling the ends of his hair out. Or sticking a pin in his eyeballs, whichever was easiest. He felt like he was on merry-go-round, and it was accelerating to a whirlwind of disaster and heartbreak. He wanted to get off this ride.

‘’-‘don’t know what I’m talking about’ yeah sure. Save the lies for someone who doesn’t know exactly what I’m talking about’’

Hotch clamped his mouth shut. He still felt the blood boiling frustration at what he still hadn’t figured out in terms of how he felt for Spencer. It was better to just crush and ignore it all together. The collateral, however, was crushing Spencer himself, and Aaron wished it didn’t have to be this way. He had to dodge the tether-ball before it was thrown back into his court.

‘’Reid, a woman just possibly got torn apart by 3 K-9’s. I don’t have time for your whimsy. I need you to do your part instead of questioning my authority. Not bothering me with questions about, what? Us? There is no ‘us’ Reid. Is that what you wanted to hear me say?”

Reid trembled when he failed at his line of defence. Hotch successfully and without miss, scored his goal. It felt like the ball shot right through his ribcage. The catastrophe left his insides, blundered and amess. He shook, disbelieving and feeling like he was somehow being punished. Why is it every time he played the cards to fix things, he was left to scorch in the fire. Had he lit it? Hotch was the one to throw in the match. He thought back to the moment this entire thing had started and wished for it to be consumed in the blaze. He wished he never let Hotch come into his room that night in Texas when they first kissed. His first kiss. He felt his eyes smart as he looked Hotch in the eye, determined. Hotch doubled back at the filmy layer of moisture that coated the edges of the boys eyes, he wanted to take it back. But we didn’t live in a world when ones mistakes could simply be erased.

‘’You know, before the plane and before you walked into my room in Texas last year, and before all the other times in between-no one had ever- I mean I hadn’t been touched like that before. Like someone wanted me.’’

Aaron tumbled into a pit of dark despair and guilt. He had speculated; but to hear Spencer say it. The next words from the boys mouth hit a home run and suddenly no one was a winner. The game was over.

‘’Are you just gonna take all my firsts? throw them in the garbage?’’

Hotch cracked, he fell from grace, he lost whatever standing he had over the boy and extended his hand out, as if it had the capacity to apologise for him.

‘’Reid…’’

Spencer flinched back from Hotch, he looked at him like he was a monster. Aaron felt a bit like one.

‘’No screw you, I’m going with JJ’’

Before either of them knew it, Reid was sprinting out of the office, catching up with JJ, and making his way as far from Aaron Hotchner as he could get with an hour’s drive. JJ could feel something was off, even in the track marks of tears that Reid had wiped down before he found her; she didn’t pry. Of course, she didn’t, she was an angel and Reid was glad he had her by his side. He sat, silent and sombre in the car as they drove to the Hankle farm.

Hotch stayed, fixated in the office, wondering at which point his life turned into shambles. He tried to blame it on the moment he kissed Reid in Texas, but he was far too clever to not realise that it was when he decided that he didn’t love his wife anymore, and that maybe, just maybe, had started loving someone else.

As the team sat and waited to get a new breakthrough in the case, the name Tobias Hankle came up again and when it was clear that JJ and Reid weren’t coming back, Hotch realised that he’d sent his two youngest agents into the lion’s den. He’d had no idea then, as he willed time itself to rewind so he could take back what he said to Reid, that he wouldn’t see Reid for 5 days. Karma was certainly a bitch.

\--

Hotch and Gideon raced down the highway, shadowed by the flashes of red and blue sirens as the road ahead stretched on infinitesimally. The brigade of officers and Federal Marshalls that pursued their common interest to seize Tobias Hankle was unmatched by the guttural desperation Hotch felt at getting to that farm and making sure JJ and Reid were alright. He felt like his diaphragm would snap and clutch at his insides until he got there and could feel with his own hands that they were okay. He wasn’t much of a holy man, but he prayed to god that he wouldn’t have to bury anyone after this night was done. He implored so hard that the sirens, which had been converging on Hotch’s sanity and blending with the beat of his own fragile heart, drowned out to muffled hums, as if the sheer amount of faith he was holding deep inside, swept him out to sea. He would drown in it, he thought, if he got to the farm and found his worst nightmare waiting for him. They drove on, beckoned only by the night and the strip of long road that awaited them. It felt like a pilgrimage, but Hotch would pray all night. He did not want the last thing he said to Reid to be the last thing he said to him. He regretted so much in that hour’s journey and he prayed louder than he had ever prayed in his whole life. It wasn’t just the safety of his youngest team member’s he prayed for, though. No, he also prayed for forgiveness. He just hoped it wasn’t too late.

About 40 minutes in the opposite direction, from the highway the BAU and Atlanta PD were on, Tobias was driving Reid to his reckoning. Spencer was barely conscious as he lay, stuffed in the back of the car, rigid and riving in pain. He could feel the blood from the gash in his head, trickling down his neck. His lack of motor function and surrounding space made it impossible for him to reach up and wipe it away. He left it there, wanted it to be a reminder that he was still alive, and that he wasn’t being taken to his death. He could barely open his eyes but felt the repeated swift of streetlight as the car drove on, underneath his eyelids. Each glimpse of orange warmed him, but ultimately exacerbated the bludgeoned feeling in his skull. He felt so helpless to the pull of the void as he desperately clung to wakefulness. He did not want to give Tobias a pulpit of advantage by having him unconscious whenever they got to where they were going. Spencer had to stay awake. He had to. It was a pity, really, that when Spencer next opened his eyes, he was staring down the barrel of a gun. He felt too damn weak to do anything about it. Even as he heard the familiar click of a blank being blown at his forehead. The last thought he could conjure before he succumbed to the pit was that he hoped Hotch would come for him soon.

\--

When the team finally arrived at the farm, it was already too late. The team split up to cover ground; Hotch and Gideon, the house; Prentiss and Morgan, the barn and out back. Prentiss and Morgan were the ones to find JJ. Reid was nowhere to be found.

Hotch decided to take the downstairs, while Gideon did a sweep upstairs. Every step Aaron took further into the insanity of Tobias Hankles’ life as he went deeper into the house, the more agitated and frivolous he became. And the more he became certain that no one was in the house, the more he feared for Reid and JJ’s safety. It was like free-falling into the blazing fire’s of Satan’s pit, his arteries clogged up and constricted the longer he was left to explore the house of a madman. The gun pointed at nothing as Aaron strode about the house, felt pointless. On some level, he was aware that he had to be rational about this, but Aaron would swear on his son’s life that if he came across Tobias Hankle, he would shoot him dead, in cold blood. He was brought right back onto the Railway in Texas with Ted Bryar, and for not the first time, Aaron was troubled by his lack of empathy. When he met Gideon upstairs, confirming the house was empty, Aaron felt all his insides turn to dust. A small voice in his head told him that it was fine. He’d meet the others outside and find JJ and Reid waiting with them and all would be okay. When he stepped outside, however, it wasn’t to thankful reunions or even to the unsub being put in handcuffs. No, what he found when he stepped outside, was JJ sitting at the open doors of an ambulance and no sign of Reid. Emily and Detective Faraday were huddled a little off from JJ, shrouded in hushed whispers. Hotch stood closer in earshot to the agents and felt his face pale at what he heard the two conversing about.

“Hey, is there any sign of him yet?”

There was a note of something worried in Agent Prentiss’ tone as she addressed the detective. Hotch knew, somehow, she wasn’t referring to Tobias.

“We got every one of our units on the road. He won’t make it far”

He saw Emily approach JJ as she was getting her arm dressed, trepidation marked in the way she moved; like JJ was privy to breaking down if she didn’t hear what she wanted to.

“You can’t find Reid?”

The solemn look Emily shielded under in reply, was the most affected by the job Hotch had seen her. He didn’t like that he didn’t need her to say anything to confirm his suspicions. The ground felt like it had been stolen from underneath him, ready to chomp down. His grip on his gun wavered.

“Not yet”

Though the words were steeped in a false hope, Hotch could tell that Emily held very little certainty that they would find Reid. She was just putting on a Poker Face for JJ’s sake.

Detective Faraday whizzed off after that, crossing by Hotch on his way to his deputy. The smell of spearmint and the sound of the guys chewing set Hotch on edge. He hated how little the small town cop seemed to care that one of their agents were missing. All he cared about was catching the bastard that took him as if he were more important , and that made Hotch feel like ripping his own teeth out. He saw Morgan approach Emily from the Barn, features coaxed with worry. All Hotch could do was be a useless stand byer as he took in the harrowing news of what Morgan would tell Emily.

“Prentiss. I think Reid followed him into the cornfield. It looks like somebody got dragged”

Hotch thought he might be sick, he dropped his gun, which garnered the attention from the agents. When they turned to look at him lurking, Hotch felt the bile crawl up his throat. He had to get out of there. He started running towards the cornfield, as it couldn’t be possible. He ran into the depth of the field as far as his legs would take him, hoping he would find his genius out there somewhere. When his legs failed him, and his chest filled up with blood, he fell to his knees and relieved the contents of his stomach on the ground beneath his hands. Morgan caught up with him, putting his hand on his back. He spoke up, when all Hotch wanted was for him to stay quiet.

“It’s alright Hotch, we’ll find him. His important to me too”

 _You don’t understand,_ Hotch wanted to say. _He’s more than that_ , Hotch wanted to scream from the top of his lungs. Preach it to the universe so it would understand how imperative it was to have Reid back in his clutches. Maybe then it would take pity on him and have Reid returned, safe and sound. He stayed silent, though. Even as Morgan dragged him back to the house to get started on the plan to find them. He didn’t want to imagine what was happening to the young Agent right then, so he just focused on the profile and hoped he wouldn’t be consumed by the dark reality of possibly not seeing Spencer again.


End file.
